BLACK WOMEN SPEAK ABOUT SEXUAL ETHICS AND SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT

Today, I want to do something different on this blog. I'd like to facilitate a different level of dialogue with the visitors of this blog.

I want to continue our discussion from Saturday about the examination of the sexual exploitation of black women and also add another layer to that discussion by examining the definition of our sexual ethics as black women.

I think this is an important dialogue for us to have.

I am not speaking about the sexuality of black women in a vacuum and I am not speaking from the standpoint of hetero-normalcy. (I am fully aware that all of the visitors of this blog do not define themselves as heterosexual.)

It is difficult to discuss sexual ethics and subtract our heterosexuality or homosexuality or bisexuality from the exploration of our self-identification as it relates to our ethics.

I’d like us to think more critically about how our self-definition has been fostered. To move us into that space where we need to marinate in, I'd like you to ask yourself some pertinent questions:
Who am I intellectually?
Who am I emotionally?
Who am I politically?
Who am I culturally?
Who am I spiritually?
Who am I theologically?
Who am I morally?
Who am I racially?
Who am I ethnically?
Who am I maternally and paternally?
Who am I sexually?

1) Identify WHO and WHAT has defined you.

2) Take accountability for WHO and WHAT has defined you.

3) Make a concerted effort to alter the paradigm that has defined you - if you discover that you have unintentionally (or intentionally) given away your power and your right to define yourself.

I do understand that many Christians will say that the Bible defines who we are and who we must become. I won't debate that in this discussion of sexual ethics, however, I understand and recognize that belief is prevalent in the Christian community.

The reason I pose those questions is because I am not sure how black women can move into the full exploration of our sexual ethics until we understand what has shaped who we have become – and until we identify who we intend to become – individually and collectively.

Before we begin this important discussion, allow me to share a few online resources:
(Click on a title.)

Buddhist Sexual Ethics

Consent, Agency and Semantics of Sexuality in the Babylonian Talmud

Sexual Ethics in Islam and the Western World

Black Sexual Ethics: The Use and Misuse of Black Sexuality

Christian Sexual Ethics and Teleological Organicity

Catholic Sexual Ethics

Please feel welcome to add more resources to this list.

Blogger and Princeton seminarian, Adam Walker Cleaveland summarizes below the FIVE GUIDELINES FOR SEXUAL ETHICS that he read in the book by Marie M. Fortune, Love Does No Harm:

FIVE GUIDELINES FOR SEXUAL ETHICS

Peer Relationship:
Is my choice of intimate partner a peer, i.e. someone whose power is relatively equal to mine? We must limit our sexual interactions to our peers. Some people are off limits for our sexual interests.

Authentic Consent:
Are both my partner and I authentically consenting to our sexual interaction? Both of us must have information, awareness, equal power and the option to say "no" without being punished, as well as the option to say "yes."

Stewardship of My Sexuality:
Do I take responsibility for protecting myself and my partner against sexually
transmitted diseases and to insure reproductive choice? This is a question of stewardship (the wise care for and management of the gift of sexuality) and anticipating the literal consequences of our actions. Taking this responsibility seriously presupposes a relationship: knowing someone over time and sharing a history in which trust can develop.

Sharing of Pleasure:
Am I committed to sharing sexual pleasure and intimacy in my relationships? My concern should be both for my own needs and those of my partner.

Faithfulness:
Am I faithful to my promises and commitments?
Whatever the nature of a commitment to one's partner and whatever the duration of that commitment to one's partner and whatever the duration of that commitment, fidelity requires honesty and the keeping of promises.
Change in an individual may require a change in the commitment which hopefully can be achieved through open and honest communication.

Let’s take some time and think intently about these things. I will step back and allow the blog visitors to direct this dialogue.

I feel that I need to mention something upfront since I don't want the visitors of this blog to feel that they have to shield who they are in this blog community. As a Christian minister, I have made decisions for my own life that I do not believe everyone must abide by in their own lives. Everyone's experiences ARE welcome here as part of our group dialogue. We are here in this blog community as black women - with different beliefs and philosophies - diligently strategizing about the future of black women. Everyone here brings a piece of her own life fabric to this extraordinary mosaic. I may not share everyone's beliefs or personal experiences but I certainly value the diversity within our community of black women. The poem on the sidebar says, "a friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself".

Dare to be yourself with me, as my essays attest, I have dared to be myself with you.

I look forward to seeing your comments.