THE MISUSE OF REPRODUCTIVE POWER

Power can be leveraged in order to benefit the individual or power can be leveraged in order to benefit the collective.

Power can be exercised in a way that is detrimental to the collective.

Dominance strategy requires that we closely examine all types of power that we wield as black women in this society. It also requires that we understand the types of power that other groups wield in order to subjugate us.

If we want to adopt effective dominance strategies, we must ask ourselves, "how do we use the power that we have to our advantage and how do we abuse the power that we have to our disadvantage?"

There are many discussions at other blogs that "claim" to focus on the empowerment of black women but the posts at those forums always emphasize the power that we don't have.

As we delve into dominance theory, we will analyze the power that we do have. We will focus on the power mechanisms that we can establish.

Let's think about the power that we have as black women that black men do not have: reproductive power. As we think about our reproductive power, we have to be willing to answer difficult questions and examine our use of power.

Are the sexual ethics that we uphold as black women strengthening our collective advancement within society? Or weakening our collective advancement?

The discussion about "Black Women Speak About Sexual Ethics" provided a list of "Who Am I?" questions for black women to ask ourselves.

Many black women I speak with harbor an outlandish expectation that our advancement in society is based upon the actions of dominant sectors of society. They believe that our advancement is based upon the power that others will give to us. The validate those assumptions because they have not learned that effective dominance strategy hinges upon the power that we acquire and the power that we leverage.

Many black women were conditioned to believe that their worth in the black community is tied to their ability to reproduce. Teenagers are proud to be pregnant out-of-wedlock. Their friends are excited for them. Those who are conditioned to believe that the worth of black women is tied to their wombs do not mind being baby makers and breeders. In slavery, our fertility determined the price that was placed on us at slave auctions. Potential sellers asked slave owners about the number of children that a female slave had given birth to. Inquiries were made about her age and physical health. Older black women who were "too old for "breeding" were sold for lower prices.

In my travels in Africa, I noticed that many African women were proud to mention how many children they had given birth too - even when all of their children were living in abject poverty.

In general, black women have validated motherhood idolatry for many generations. When we had a discussion about "Sistas and Their Motherhood Idolatry" last year, one woman mentioned that she was never taught that motherhood was optional. It never occurred to her that she could actually decide not to bear children. Any time I meet an African man, he asks me if I am married and if I have children. Usually, I am being asked these questions before I am asked for my name. This means that in his culture, my reproductive function and social capital matters more than my identity.

Black girls who are "programmed" to believe that womanhood is synonymous with motherhood think of pregnancy as a rite of passage into womanhood. Most black girls are not being taught to view unplanned pregnancy and premature motherhood as an abuse of reproductive power.

Motherhood idolatry is so rampant that if a black woman doesn't have children (even if she is unwed), other black women are bewildered and suspicious. I've heard many woman ask, "Don't you like kids?!" I often reply, "I like kids, but I don't like the notion of adding more illegitimate black children to society." Usually, everyone's facial expressions are frozen at the sound of the word "illegitimate".

Someone will inevitably say "all children are a blessing from God!" as others nod. "God isn't being blessed or glorified or respected when we justify irresponsible sexual choices," I reply. Silence invades the room and takes a bow.

CNN recently had an online article about "Black Single Women Choosing To Adopt" and for me, the article only highlights the willingness of black women to be unpartnered mothers rather than to expand their mentalities and seek a larger pool of marriageable men. It seems that raising black children in two-parent households is now viewed as a fantasy - rather than a necessary goal to strengthen black progress.

In my post, "Deconstructing The Husband Shortage and The Scarcity of Black Wives", I provided a list of the reasons that black men had given for disqualifying some women as potential wives.

For a large segment of the black female population, reproductive decisions impact our socioeconomic class status and our rate of socioeconomic mobility. While more than 80% of black single mothers have completed high school, a high school education does not allow most Americans to maintain a footing in the working class, which is on the cusp of the lower class and the middle class tiers. A large segment of high school graduates who were educated in sub-standard public school systems are semi-literate.

There are usually many unwed mothers who will quickly mention that their children are thriving without being raised by two parents. They try to defend that all choices of child-rearing are legitimate. Who benefits when non-existent family planning becomes a norm in the black community? Why can't we answer the question honestly?

Black people who adamantly defend their choice to add to the population of fatherless black children don't mention that the national statistics concerning black children born out of wedlock are alarming and deeply disturbing. Even if their children are fatherless and A-students, it doesn't eliminate the reality that all children require paternal nurture just as much as they require maternal nurture.

"Unplanned children didn't keep me from reaching my goals!" many unwed mothers insist. Really? Many unwed mothers postpone intellectual and academic pursuits in order to attend to parental responsibilities. Many black mothers attain Bachelor's degrees 10 to 20 years after those who acquired them at 21 and 22 years of age. Those missed years of intellectual development can not be reclaimed.

Many black women who are actually in the working class think that they are living solidly middle class lifestyles. It costs $269,520 to raise one child in the middle class from infancy through high school.

It is clear that a four-year college education is becoming mandatory to maintain a footing in the middle class. How many unwed black mothers have college funds for their children in infancy? How many are just trying to get by? Whenever black women accept "getting by" as a norm, we need to examine our sexual choices that create dependents in our lives.

If we are serious about adopting empowerment strategies that truly advance black women, then we need to change the way that we exercise our reproductive power.

Misuse of reproductive power among black women appears to be a multigenerational mentality. When black girls are conditioned to validate the misuse of reproductive power, they are more likely to misuse it in adulthood.

Black women who have children out of wedlock prior to acquiring Bachelor's degrees usually find that the rate of their socioeconomic growth does not rise significantly after acquiring a degree because of the financial obligations of child-rearing with one income. Their career path often does not substantially change after acquiring a Bachelor's degree either.

We often center the discussion on single motherhood on the capability of the single mother to raise her children. We will not talk about irresponsible sexual behavior that leads to unwed pregnancies as an abuse of reproductive power on the black collective. Why won't we?

Doesn't this pattern impact our standing in society as black women? Our standing in society can impact our mobility in society.

Out-of-wedlock pregnancies among black women have not elevated our stature in society. Many black women don't want to admit that the more children they have out of wedlock, the more their marriage potential decreases among men who are in the middle class and upper class tiers. We love to claim that the main reason why black women aren't in demand as wives by non-blacks is because we're black.

We have seen the widespread disregard for black men by men of other groups. We have noticed that men of other groups are not outraged when black men are killed. They don't rant about it because they believe that American society is better off without black men. Of course, no one will say it publicly, but the collective silence about the legal lynching of black men proves that this sentiment is widespread.

In African cultures, male children are highly prized. In American society, black male children are not highly prized. Black male children have the same negative stigma attached to them that is being attached to black men in non-black constructs. Black male children aren't even prized by black men because the rates of fatherless black boys are about the same as the rates of fatherless black girls.

In our deep reverence for motherhood, we are usually overlooking a vital piece of the equation of our progress - black socioeconomic mobility.

I am sure that there are many women who would say, "it takes two to make a baby so put the blame on black women!" Let's unpack that thinking.

Who incurs the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy? A pregnancy is not a 50/50 venture because the burden is not carried equally. Whatever choices I make that impact my womb are 100% my responsibility. There isn't a shared responsibility whenever I say "yes" to sex because I make unilateral decisions about what I do with my body.

Why don't we see that our sexual ethics determine the use of our reproductive power, which directly impacts our collective advancement? I noted in my post on Condoleezzation, scores of black women scoffed at Condi Rice because she was willing to accept war casualities for a larger purpose. "She doesn't respect human life!" they sneered. How interesting that black women could point the finger at Condi - when we have 30% of the abortions in this country and are only 7% to 8% of the population. We are quick to assert that Condi doesn't respect human life?

Can we talk?

In the post, "The Celebration of Childlessness", I mentioned that black women who have decided not to bring fatherless children into society have done all of us a huge favor. The entire black community infrastructure has been impacted by the prevalence of female-led families.

There is plenty of blame to be passed around - to black men and black women, to the reinforcement of the white supremacist infrastructure that this nation was build on. Mainly, our individual choices have impacted the black community.

In the U.S., there are 1.2 million babies born out of wedlock each year so white women are having babies out of wedlock too! It costs the government $60 billion a year in public benefits for children without sustained paternal financial support. White women are the largest group of welfare beneficiaries in this country but proportionately, black women are the group with highest rates of out-of-wedlock pregnancies.

Do black women and men need to feel accountable to the collective when making sexual choices that may impact black progress?

How should black women exercise their reproductive power so that the use of that power contributes to (and does not diminish) the collective socioeconomic mobility of black women?

1. We can change the national dialogue about single motherhood in black constructs. We can decide to stop valorizing unwed pregnancy. (I've often heard, "My mother raised four children on her own without an education or any help from the fathers!" Why brag on dysfunctional life choices?)

2. We can change the dialogue that we have with teen girls from insisting that they refrain from irresponsible sexual behaviors to explaining how socioeconomic mobility is undermined by certain life choices. We can begin to educate them about the barriers to class-mobility that are tied to our reproductive choices.

3. We can begin to encourage more school programs that elevate marriage. It became popular among feminists to de-legitimize the role of wives. We need to begin to elevate the importance of wives of being wives.

4. We can stop coddling sexual irresponsibility in the black church. Black preachers love to point the finger at trifling fathers who abandon their children. This allows the sexually-irresponsible behavior of the sistas who allow themselves to be impregnated by losers to remain unaddressed.

There are long-term disadvantages for black women in contributing to the population of out of wedlock black children. There is still a negative stigma associated with having illegitimate children among non-black cultures (and even within African cultures) that is being ignored by many black unwed mothers in this country. If black women are serious about ensuring that black children can be be class-mobile in the global arena, then we have to understand the importance of elevating the societal positioning of black children.

In the upper class tier, the social capital of the family often hinges upon the professional and educational achievements of the men in the family line. The Kennedy family has maintained prominence because of the social position of the Kennedy men - in spite of the fact that many of the women, such as Maria Shriver and Caroline Kennedy, were academically and professionally accomplished. When I was a child, my father said that in his generation only the prostitutes remained unmarried when they were impregnated because men in his generation would be pressured to marry a decent woman if they had impregnated her. His association of unwed mothers and prostitute status had an enormous impact upon the development of my sexual ethics.

In order to leverage our reproductive power to realize long-term benefits, we have to gain a different understanding of the landscape. We must learn how to leverage our reproductive power in a way that elevates the black community - if we are committed about contributing to collective progress.

We will rant about how white people do not hold each other accountable for misuse of power but yet, we are silent about the decisions of black women that directly contribute to our stigmatization and socioeconomic stagnation. Why are we silent?

We have reproductive power and we can swiftly turn the tide in our use of our power.

We can not afford to be complacent and inattentive about any misuse of power if we want to attain dominance within global power structures.

SISTAS, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

Whenever I listen to our sistas talking about how black women are being viewed by non-black men, I turn the tables and ask, "what have you been conditioned to believe about Asian men? What have you been conditioned to believe about white men?? What have you been conditioned to believe about Jewish men?? What have you been conditioned to believe about Arab men?? What have you been conditioned to believe about African men?"

They are usually silent or they become defensive. The reason why they become defensive is because it's convenient to focus on how others view us rather than addressing (and changing) how we view them.

I have mentioned in other discussions at this blog that black women can't walk through life harboring bigoted generalizations about other groups and then complain loudly when we encounter the same exact mindsets that we have validated in black constructs about the other groups outside of it. I have noticed an acceptance of bigoted mentalities at so-called "empowerment" blogs. It is not shocking that bigoted mentalities are not being denounced by most black women but it is astonishing that we don't realize how much we stand to lose by maintaining bigotry as the status quo.

I have lost count of the number of conversations I have had with black women who insist that "Asian men don't find us attractive!"

When I ask these sistas to name five Asian actors, entertainers, politicians or authors that they find physically appealing, they can't even name five famous Asians at all! If we don't bother to become educated about Japanese culture, Thai culture, Chinese culture, Filipino culture, Korean culture, Vietnamese culture then why should we scoff when we encounter cultural ignorance about blacks from any of these groups?

I have been to other blog forums where multiculturalism is being refuted by black women who are resentful that black cultures are not being esteemed by non-blacks in this country. It bothers these women when I mention that "if you don't appreciate the cultures of others then don't complain if others show your culture the same disregard that you exhibit." Isn't it true?

What have we view as beautiful or handsome is the result of what we have been taught. Whatever we deem unattractive or sexually unappealing is also based on what we have been taught.

We were discussing the conditioning of black women in relation to men of other cultures and races and several sistas mentioned that they don't think white skin is attractive. Would these same sistas feel indifferent hearing white men exclaim "Actually, I am have a negative reaction when seeing black skin! It's so unattractive and repugnant!"

I suspect that these sistas would cop an attitude pretty quickly and scream racism.

If we remain silent about bigotry and defend cultural hostilities in among ourselves, then we set themselves up for failure. Effective dominance strategy requires that we become culturally-fluent. Mastering other cultures (multiculturalism) will require a radical change in our socialization. Our socialization will begin to change when we enter non-black constructs with the intention of learning new social norms and new patterns of engagement.

There are many blog forums that I have visited where black women are bemoaning the Eurocentric standard of beauty that is being elevated in white publications and in Hollywood. While they are proud of Beyonce and Halle's success, they are also resentful that a large part of their success is tied to their cross-over appeal. "Anything that isn't Eurocentric is de-legitimized!" they sneer.

Their solution to confronting white supremacy is to validate their own bigotry against biracial women and black women with Eurocentric features? Their solution is to dismiss the worth of other races? I don't believe that solution will reap any benefits for black women - politically or socially.

When I was a little girl, there were certain dynamics that would surface on the playground. If a little girl felt that she was being rejected by others, she would stomp off and pout. Sometimes, she would stomp away and scream, "I don't like you!" How many black women have continued to adopt this mentality in adulthood when encountering rejection?

How should black women confront cultural ignorance and Eurocentrism?

Let's analyze the approaches that black women have utilized in the past.
1. Exhibiting hostility.
2. Harboring jealousy towards those blacks who benefit from Eurocentrism.
3. Demonstrating Afri-obsession.
4. Rejecting non-black cultures and refusing to assimilate.
5. Scoffing at blacks who appreciate other cultures and who assimilate.
6. Launching de-blacking tactics with blacks whose self-definition reflects their black ancestry and non-black ancestry.

None of these approaches diminished Eurocentrism.

Can we agree that these irrational approaches have been tried for years - and that they have all failed to diminish Eurocentrism. So now what?

I believe that black women will have to utilize approaches that will impact our collective advancement. We often choose approaches that produce more ostracism of black women, and validate approaches that serve to generate more negative perceptions about us.

Let us think about how we want to be valued in society. Let us think about how we should demonstrate that we truly value differences among our own race - differences in class conditioning, differences in racial backgrounds, differences in black ethnic origins, and differences among various black cultures. The change in socialization begins with how we respond to differences among our own people. From there, it will expand and we will be willing to view differences among non-blacks with respect.

The thinking we adopt impacts our daily life experiences as black women in America.

Should we rant about how black women are being viewed sexually throughout the world...when we don't even view non-black men in sexual terms at all?

If it's insulting for black women to be viewed as oversexed then it is just as insulting for us to erase or diminish the sexual personhood of non-black men. Why don't we see it that way?

If black women want to be perceived by non-black men in a balanced way then we need to view non-black men in a balanced way. We need to see them as being emotionally-healthy, culturally secure, interesting, trusting, sexual, nurturing beings. It seems that most black women want to be viewed that way, but we don't take any accountability for viewing others that way?

Can we talk?

I have friends who grew up in all-black constructs who barely make eye contact with persons of other cultures when they encounter them. When they speak to them, there isn't any warmth or openness in their demeanor at all. They are either guarded or openly rejecting.

Underneath the veneer of emotional distance is actually a cover-up for their astonishing cultural ignorance about these other groups. They don't feel comfortable engaging with these groups in the same way that they engage with black groups. Why? They realize that they have spent much of their lives being culturally-ignorant. This is the root of our "aloofness" that we don't want to spill out in the open.

We can be influencers in the global arena but we will have to understand that cultural reciprocity is a vital component of dominance strategy. I recognize that cultural dominance was gained by white people in America by devaluing other cultures. This ploy was utilized by whites who were in the dominant group in America. Cultural bigotry and rejection will not be an effective strategy for black women in the global arena. Often, we have delusions that we can utilize the same tactics to elevate black pride that white people have used to maintain white supremacy. We forget that white people used those tactics as a dominant group. We are not a dominant group in this nation. We are about 7 to 8% of the population!

Utilizing the same tactics of white racists will not yield the same outcomes. I have had to remind many black women who visit this forum that black women do not have a parallel existence to white women. We don't have the same infrastructure to protect us from the inevitable retaliation of establishing those tactics.

How should we demonstrate cultural reciprocity in a societal infrastructure that elevates white supremacy?

We have to openly respect racial differences, nationality differences, ethnic differences and class differences. Tour the blogosphere where black people congregate and it will be clear that we have a lot of work to do in this area.

We have to be willing to confront the actions of other blacks that de-legitimize black diversity.We can't confront it when we continue to harbor bigoted mentalities. Black women lose credibility when we rant about the mentalities of other groups when we know that we have validated those mentalities among ourselves.

We have to succinctly define our cultural identity, our racial identity and our ethnic identity. The blacks who scoff and sneer at culturally-fluent blacks are always those who are ignorant about their own ancestry and ethnic origins. They are threatened by how others define themselves because they are insecure about their own identity. If you are truly confident about your self-definition, then you won't be resentful about someone else's choice about their own.

We have to see non-black men as multi-dimensional beings. We will be unable to do this unless we foster platonic relationships with non-black men in social settings where our culture is not dominant. Can we do it?

We have nothing to lose - and everything to gain.

THE RE-SOCIALIZATION OF THE BLACK WOMAN

As we explore the paths that black women can forge that will allow them to become self-actualized, I believe that there is a re-socialization process that can not be overlooked.

Re-socialization?

I can hear someone sneering, "Why do we have to discuss re-socialization? Why aren't black men being told that they need to be re-socialized?"

It's pretty obvious that many black women have come to this forum over the last year who are openly hostile about self-examination. They wonder why black women should have to discuss changing anything about their thoughts, their conditioning, their decisions. They would rather remain angry about external factors rather than directing their energies focusing on internal change.

Everyone can't handle this type of platform because their identity is wrapped in victimhood. Those who could not engage in collective introspection have left this forum. (Several have stormed off childishly and have now begun to bash this forum at other blogs.)

Shouldn't we stop basing our willingness to embrace inner change on what black men are doing or not doing? We need to reach a point in our lives when we decide that our collective self-examination consists of identifying and changing the internal factors can directly impact our own collective elevation.

Whenever we discuss black women and the internal changes that we have an opportunity to make, someone always brings up black men.

The state of black men in America does not impact my existence. Their current status of extinction does not impact my destiny as a black woman. Until black women decide that our evolution does not hinge upon the evolution of black men, our evolution will be emotionally and mentally connected to theirs. It's time to dismantle that mindset so that we can function as free agents.

This empowerment forum places a strong emphasis on identifying what we can change and what we can do for ourselves. I continually repeat this because there are still many sistas who come into this arena who don't understand what our group examinations are intended to accomplish.

Earlier this year when we were discussing "Confronting Legalized Murder By The Boys In Blue" and "The Annihilation of Black Men: Counting The Costs", one sista emphatically stated that we can't have a black community without black men. I knew that many black women shared her belief. They had not communicated it because they were threatened by the possibility of having their mindset openly challenged.

How many black women do not understand that community exists wherever we foster it? When I leave the church, I am not leaving behind my Christian identity. When I leave the black construct, I am not leaving behind my black identity. My identity is not geographical.

Fully-divested black women have understood that our destiny as black women is not connected to the destiny of black men. Condi Rice has understood this, and she has become a global, self-actualized black woman before our eyes. Divested black women are free agents!

The majority of black women are in all-black constructs right now and we must focus our attention on the construct that most black women are being impacted by. I will estimate that at least 80% of black women in this country have grown up in all-black constructs. Those of us who are committed collective advancement and we are committed to examining the roots of our liberation, we will continue to place an emphasis on the dynamics and conditioning that have impacted the majority of black women.

Much of the conditioning that is being reinforced in all-black constructs does not prepare black women to be effective in the global arena. It was never intended to. Far too many black girls in black constructs were being programmed to be race women . They were taught to place racial loyalty before their individual interests and before their self-preservation. That programming has had devasting consequences.

Those women were being "programmed" to believe that men of other races didn't want them and that they didn't belong outside of black constructs. That programming ensured that they would cling to black men as their only source for partnering. We see the devastating consequences of this mindset on many black women.

Scores of black women were "programmed" to be mentally unable to function effectively within non-black cultures. Many are unable to conceptualize self-empowerment outside of the black construct.

Assumptions about black monoculturalism are fostered. Entitlement mentalities are fostered. Delusions about the enforcement black unity are being reinforced. The pecking order of black women is being internalized. Arrhenphobia and xenophobia are validated. This conditioning impeded their ability to personify globalization and multiculturalism.

The infrastructure of black male supremacy fostered this mental "programming" in black women. There was a goal in mind that other races should not "lure" the black women away from the all-black construct because the black construct needed the reproductive capacity of black women in order to thrive! There was a concerted effort to produce conditioning that would keep black women in the black construct. Can't we see this clearly now?

We continue to encounter black women in our group discussions who do not know how to envision their lives outside of the black construct. I deeply appreciate their transperancy and their openness.

If we are serious about self-actualization, then we have to analyze the changes needed in the socialization of black women. As the world changes, black women must swiftly adapt and proactively embrace needed change in our socialization in order to become influencers in a global arena. Moving to any new construct requires inner change.

Think about how most black women you know relate to men and let us analyze how the conditioning of black women is impacting our engagement with men.

If we are being honest, we will admit that we should make some radical changes. This simple truth has not been understood by so many of our sistas: We can't expect change if we refuse to change.

Let's think about the socialization we experienced at an early age.

How many black women grew up in home environments where daily paternal nurture was non-existent? Is it realistic to say 60% to 70% of them?

How many black women grew up in constructs where black women assumed the roles that are typically undertaken by men in non-black constructs? Is it realistic to say 60% to 70% of them?

If the majority of black women have been conditioned in fatherlessness (and I believe they have) and if the majority of those women have normalized the absence of paternal nurture, doesn't their socialization impact the type of engagement and the level of engagement that they women have with men in society?

Of course.

There are glaring differences in the way that I have been socialized and the way that my fatherless friends have been socialized. I have some ingrained expectations about men - and so do they. I expect men to be capable. I expect men to be responsive. I expect men to be responsible. (I don't confuse male adults with men.)

I was shown how to properly relate to men by my father. I was also taught how to properly relate to men by watching the way that my own mother engaged with my father and with other men. Many black women I know were taught how to relate to men by their mothers and by other female relatives.

The problem is that most of their female relatives were single mothers who had a long history of dysfunctional relationships with black men. Many of the women who I encounter in the church construct have grandmothers and aunts who were sexually, emotionally or mentally abused in childhood or adolescence. The low expectations of men were passed down from one generation to the next.

When I started initiating discussions at this think tank, I noticed that whenever I wrote a post about black men, there were several discussion participants who would immediately assume that I was writing about dysfunctional black men. Just reading the words "black men" instantly made them think that I was speaking of dysfunctional and exploitative black men. Can we unpack that mentality for a moment? Check out the discussion on "The Cost of Pushing A Black Man To The Throne" and you will see the mentalities that surfaced.

As you think about how your own black female friends relate to men, think also about your personal history.

How has your earliest socialization with black men impacted how you perceive white men? Yes, white men. It's all connected. We have to critically analyze this aspect of our re-socialization process if we are going to properly identify the empowerment trek that will lead to self-actualization.

You may be thinking, "what should the re-socialization process consist of?" We have already begin to discuss the interpersonal relationships of black women and their engagement with men:

"Lost Absolution: White Men and Their Horrid History With Black Women"
"Black Men: Repairers of the Breach"
"Gee, Aren't All Black Men Violent?"
"Who's In Charge: The Mantle of Black Leadership - Part Two"
"Who Qualifies As A Man?"
"The Redefinition of Black Masculinity and Its Impact on Black Women"

In my post about "Black Women and The Mistrust Factor", I mentioned that the military prepares soldiers mentally before training them in weaponry. Many group examinations at this think tank are intended to address our level of mental readiness for collective empowerment.

There are many blog forums that are identified as "empowerment" forums for black women. If you watch the discussions, you will quickly notice that many of those forums are validating black bigotry, "pattern recognition" (which is prejudice), validation of victimhood and hostility towards black men.

It is quite shocking for many sistas to learn that all black women don't have the same views. On Monday, I was at Jack and Jill Politics and noticed the comments displayed that reminded me of a bunch of women foaming at the mouth, neck-rolling with hands-on-hips sneering at anyone who would not worship Michelle Obama. Check out the comment section and take note of the wild hysteria that broke out when blacks were forced to accept that black people actually exist who don't idolize Michelle!

One woman was so adamant about trying to discredit this forum that she continued to insist that this forum "bashes" Michelle Obama. I boldly stated that she was lying. She ran to this forum to try and obtain "evidence"! Her "evidence" only proved that the discussions about Michelle are factual and constructive! To maintain the deception, she deliberately didn't mention to the readers that there are two posts at this forum that are actually about Michelle. Slanted reporting always has deceit at its core. Many others seemed to sneer at their keyboards, indignantly demanding an explanation of "Who doesn't idolize Michelle?!" That example represents a social dynamic among black women that is very common. Among black people, there is usually an acceptance of verbal battery and open hostility whenever a black person enters the room who will not mimick the mentality that everyone else has validated.

As I emphasized in my post, "Examining The De-Black Tactic", Dr. Kimberly Jade Norwood wrote that "Blackthink TM is a form of prejudice. It assumes and demands that all black people think a certain way....some segments of our society not only harbor this presumption but go a step further: they will devalue and marginalize those who fail to comply with Blackthink TM."

Validating BlackThinkTM will prove highly detrimental for black women who want to be influencers in the global arena.

How will we become influencers? I believe that our re-socialization should consist of ten components:

1 - Changing our rules of engagement with black men
2 - Changing our rules of engagement with white men
3 - Changing the conditioning that we display to black children
4 - Changing our understanding of the diversity of black people
5 - Changing our reactions to differing ideologies
6 - Changing our reaction to black privilege
7 - Dismantling the internalization of the pecking order and eradicating the internalization of hueism
8 - Validating multi-culturalism (the mastery of other cultures)
9 - Becoming socially-fluent among people from different class tiers
10 - Redefining what it means to be a black woman in America

I believe that these ten components will allow us to be poised to reposition ourselves for dominance in the global arena. I've said it many times before, but I will say it again: This is the hour of the black woman. This is our time.

BLACK MEN BECOMING BLACK WOMEN

Cher announced last week that her daughter, Chastity, is undergoing preparations to have sex reassignment surgery and to become anatomically male. Chastity came out as a lesbian many years ago and mentioned in interviews that her mother was horrified. While Cher has been depicted by the media as a liberal, she admits that she has been rather conservative in her views about sexuality and that she wanted her daughter to be heterosexual. She mentioned in several interviews that she reluctantly accepted her daughter's decision to be a lesbian.

Now she must accept her daughter's decision to surgically become a man.

Black women have had some mixed feelings about the black gay community. The lack of eligible black men has had a devastating emotional impact on black women who were "programmed" in all-black constructs to believe that non-black men aren't interested in black women as wives and partners. The growing community of black gay men serves as yet another reminder to the "no one wants us" crew that their partnering options in black constructs are dwindling.

If scores of black women are ambivalent about embracing the black gay community, what about the black transgender community?

The Tyra Banks Show featured a transgender MfF contestant (pictured at the right) from her reality television show and announced that she had arranged for all medical expenses to be covered for sex reassignment surgery.

Isis King returned to the show after the sex reassignment surgery had been completed. The surgery took almost five hours. It usually costs between $10,000 to $20,000. Her boyfriend, who met her when Isis was Darryl, proposed to her on the show after being friends with her for three years. He stated that they have a heterosexual relationship, just as any man and woman would.

I have several MtF transgender friends and none of them has had sex reassignment surgery because of the exorbitant costs. They all have taken female hormones for many years and some have gotten breast and hip implants.

Years ago, a ministry colleague accompanied me to the funeral of a transgender friend who had died of AIDS. She had never seen a church filled with MtF transgender persons and she was visibly uncomfortable. She saw different persons with varying degrees of female representation. It is extremely difficult for those with masculine features to attempt to adopt traditionally feminine beauty characteristics.

I noticed that my ministry colleague was trying to keep from staring at people in the audience. My transgender friends are used to being stared at whenever they are out in public and they are gracious when encountering those who are ignorant about the transition process from male to female gender representation.

I believe that transgender persons experience an incomplete formation in the womb. I realize that there aren't many medical studies to reinforce this viewpoint. While I believe that the presentation of gender is an individual decision, I also believe that there are many complex factors that determine gender that are physiological.

Last year, Laverne Cox visited Black Women, Blow The Trumpet! when she was a contestant on "I Want To Be Diddy's Assistant". (Her photo is displayed on the sidebar with permission.) Laverne recently wrote at her blog, "if we move away from overemphasizing someone’s genitals as a means to determining their gender, we can begin to live in a world that’s more inclusive and liberating." She is part of the project, "Transgender Basics", which is a 20-minute educational video embedded below.



You may also want to read the short eight-page fact sheet "Understanding Transgender". Click here.

As we continue to have discussions at this think tank about identifying vetting processes for our allies, it is important for us to consider the types of alliances that black women need to foster with the MtF transgender community. Most MtF transgender persons have understood the tenets of divestment that many sistas have wrestled with in this forum. MtF transgender persons have understood the process of dismantling conditioning that has been fostered since childhood.

What are the issues that black women and transgender persons can mutually support?

I am interested in serving as ministerial counsel to churches that are interested in reaching transgender populations. I would like to be a bridge between the transgender community (which is often ostracized in the Christian community) and the black clergy on a national level. I am interested in working with the transgender community on issues related to specialized health services and gender equality. I would like to form an new nonprofit organization that focuses on planting churches throughout the country that will be transgender-sensitive and will focus on the needs of transgender Christian community.

One platform that I believe that black women can support within transgender communities is the legislation needed to enforce hate crimes and to join forces to combat sexual violence and street harassment, in black constructs especially.

If we analyze how most black women who grew up in all-black constructs have been conditioned to view gender, we can understand why this conditioning has produced a reluctance among black women to openly support transgender issues.

The photo on the left is of a fashion model who was born anatomically male. You can't even identify some of the transgender persons who you pass by every day! Last July, we had a discussion about "The Transgender Sista Among Us: Chaos or Community". I asked the discussion participants of this think tank to speak openly about their feelings concerning MtF transgender persons. Many shared their feelings candidly. Others shared their feelings by email. I received email responses such as:
"Are they really women?" many ask me.
"How can they say that they are women if they have penises?" one sista wondered out loud.
"They say they feel like women but you can look at them and tell that they don't really know the essence of womanhood," one sista countered.

Can we talk? Just what are these emotional barriers really about?

Many black women are still feeling emotional obligation to protect black men from extinction although the process is already in place to systematically reduce the black male population from 4%-5% of the national population to less than 1/2 %. In my post, "The Annihilation of Black Men: Counting The Costs", I insisted that the black men in the U.S. will be virtually extinct within twenty years. Many black women were alarmed to hear me deliver the news.

It is mathematically impossible for the black male population to equal the black female population without an infusion of several million foreign black men over the next ten years. Last September, I wrote about this in the post, "The New Coupling: Black Women and Transmen".

When black women begin to understand that the segment of black men in this country is rapidly diminishing, we will begin to become more determined to expand our alliances outside of black constructs. We will begin to interrogate ourselves about the nature of gender identity. I led a discussion last year, "The Redefinition of Black Femininity" and mentioned that black women do not have to embrace the definitions of femininity that are handed to us by black men or by white corporations that want to qualify our femininity. I insisted that we embrace the imperative to collectively change the way that black femininity is being portrayed by U.S. corporations and by black publications.

In my post, "Black Allies: The Counterfeit, The Cosmetic and The Convoluted", I mentioned that there were several different types of allies that we should establish vetting processes for:
a. Political allies
b. Race issue allies
c. Gender issue allies
d. Legislative issue allies
e. Financial capital allies
f. Class tier brokers
g. Ethnic group gatekeepers
h. Religious allies
i. Counter-intelligence allies
j. Decoy allies

Within the transgender community are all of these types of allies. Forging networks with the black MtF transgender activists can be beneficial to the mutual goals of self-actualization that are embraced by black women and black MtF transgender persons.

Black MtF transgender persons have many of the same issues of confronting violence from black men in black constructs. According to the research of Professor Lynn Conway, in a crowd of 5,000 people, at least 75 will be transgender. I believe that it's time for us to open the door wide for MtF transgender persons to be an integral part of the heterosexual black female community.

What are we waiting for?

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER! (& MY TWO DADS!)

For those of us in Christ, every day is Father's Day!

I am extremely grateful to be the daughter of two amazing dads so I salute both of my wonderful fathers on Father's Day.

My first dad raised three children on his own after the death of our mother. In so many ways, he made sure to prove just how much he loved being a dad. He learned how to braid our hair and must have created some pretty unique hairstyles for us because black women would stop and stare at our hair when we were in public. My dad learned how to turn the jump rope and (properly) play Barbies in a circle of neighborhood girls. He understood the important aspects of girlhood, such as how to operate my Barbie Country Camper. He knew how to change the tiny diapers on my BabyAlive. He taught me and my sister how to drive a lawn tractor and how to use a chain saw. He wanted us to know how to do everything that my older brother could do!

In my pre-teen years, he took me and my sister to the department store to get our training bras picked out and ignored the scowls of the sales clerk when she kept asking him if he needed assistance and he kept saying that our mother had owned bras and he knew exactly what to buy! Go Daddy! Go Daddy! What can I say?

As a teen, he wrote the Board of Education to ensure that I would graduate with the seniors at the age of 16 and prepare to enter my undergrad program. He told the teachers that I was too brilliant to waste any more time in high school with "those mediocre white children"! Go Daddy! Go Daddy! I learned to fish from my dad, learned to cook from my dad, and learned how to be a woman from coaching from my dad! It was my dad who taught me how to put on a condom (don't ask for the gory details but no, he did NOT use himself as a the training subject)! I could go on and on about my dad but I just want to let all of the brothas out there know that everything you do for your children will be remembered for a lifetime!

My second dad is actually my best friend's father. He entered my life when I was a teen and because I was so close to his daughter, I became part of their family. As I think of Father's Day and what it means to be a daughter, I know that I have had an extraordinary life because I have had the phenomenal blessing of being twice loved!

Black Women, Blow The Trumpet! salutes the blogging brothas who are devoted fathers! Drop by their place today and give your congratulations!

The Certain Sound
Aries Rules (K-A-Psiiiiii!)
Exodus Mentality
MochaDad
AverageBro
FatherDad
Makes Me Wanna Holler
Mista Jaycee
Black And Married With Kids (Thanks, Quiskaeya!)
Carlton (God's Man)

If you know of any blogging brothas who should be recognized today, please drop their blog names in the comment section!

NEW XEROX CEO URSULA BURNS: THE DOMINANCE TREK

About two weeks ago, Ursula Burns was named the new CEO of Xerox and is the first black woman to lead a major U.S. corporation. Burns has been with the company for almost 30 years and began as a summer intern.

Already, the "strong black woman" cape has been laid out for her. The media has mentioned that she grew up in a New York housing project. (Whitespeak: She came out of a tough environment.) The media reported that her mother had three children with two fathers who were absent from the children's lives. Black women will find that their family backgrounds are being mentioned by the media - even when they leave those environments.

For those who want to insist that "it doesn't even matter where you've come from!", this is a prime example that class of origin is constantly mentioned whenever black people attain a position of prominence. (Michelle Obama learned this lesson during the campaign. Her "working class" upbringing and background was constantly being mentioned in the media - even though she left the working class tier in her early 20s.)

Ursula has been described as candid and forthright. Are there any black women who are in leadership positions who aren't being described as "tough" and "bold" and "opinionated"? I rarely see articles were black women in leadership roles are being described as "diplomatic" or "analytical" or "reserved".

The cover photo that BusinessWeek Magazine ran of Ursula was a close up photo of her with nostrils flared. Clearly, the publication wanted to present an unfriendly (and unattractive) facial expression of Ursula Burns. Black women who enter corridors that have been controlled by white male power brokers often encounter these types of brazen promotion of negative stereotypes.

What can we learn from Ursula's victory?

Choose allies wisely.
Ursula didn't earn the top spot without carefully examining loyalties and shrewdly brokering power within the company. She has been with Xerox for almost thirty years. Ursula chose Anne Mulcahy as a mentor. How many times have black women refused to trust white women in power? How many times have black women assumed that white women in power will view them as a threat?

Many sistas will tell me about numerous situations with black women being sabotaged by competitive white women in professional settings. They believe that these situations justify their suspicions. I denounce "pattern recognition" because I believe it is a new term that is bandied about among black women who want to validate their own bigotry. "Pattern recognition" (or prejudice) is a mentality of assigning a set of blanket assumptions to groups of people based on prior experiences with those groups.

Ursula would not have been able to succeed at Xerox by distrusting white people. Those who are suspicious of other groups will usually find that they are openly distrusted by those groups. Whichever vibe we bring into the arena will be the same vibe that we receive from others.

It is important for black women who want to succeed outside of black constructs to understand the differences in social dynamics among people from other cultures. Do we ask, "how do I foster trust in a different construct?" and "how do I foster peer respect in a different construct?"

Chenequa Campbell spent four years at Harvard and never bothered to ask these questions? If she asked herself these questions, she certainly didn't make concrete decisions which led her to strategically assimilate among those who were not from her class tier because she became embroiled in a drug-related scandal and not one professor or student group publicly defended her. Assimilation is an individual choice but failure to assimilate often has negative consequences.

Maintain high aspirations.
I found it interesting that Ursula mentioned in an interview that her mother told her, "Where you are is not who you are." Her mother told her this because she was from a fatherless home and grew up in housing project where failure was a norm for many of the blacks that Ursula encountered.

In a recent television interview, Michelle Obama said that she can relate to the working class children that she meets in the public schools because she said that she used to be like them. She said that they are constantly being told what they can't do or being told what they can't achieve.

I thought about the impact of being constantly reminded of barriers and limitations. Michelle's experience as a black girl on the Southside of Chicago was not my experience. I was constantly being told by my parents that I could be anything and that I could have anything. The only thing my parents said I could not do was fail.

When I speak about class dynamics, I often mention to those who are from lower class tiers that one reason why many blacks from the upper middle class and the upper class tiers are not deeply impressed with their achievements in adulthood is because we were placed in constructs where it was nearly impossible to fail. We were handed the best of everything - access to the best education, access to the best opportunities, and access to influence and favoritism. Education, opportunities, influence and favoritism can directly impact success.

Those of you who have visited this think tank have witnessed how swiftly I confront defeatist thinking that is presented in this think tank by discussion participants of various ages. If defeatist thinking is not boldly confronted, then it becomes normative for black women to focus on all of the barriers to our elevation rather than analyzing the methods to utilize to achieve dominance. Hearing Michelle's observation about how children in the working class tier are being reminded of limitations and barriers that exist, I understand why many black women come to this think tank scoffing at the lofty possibilities that are being presented. All they have been programmed to think about are limitations and barriers.

Assert your own self-definition.
Ursula Burns said in an interview that she's not surprised that she became CEO of the company and that she knew many years ago that she had the ability to lead as CEO. In many group discussions that we've had at this think tank, it has become clear that many women are accustomed to accepting the definitions that others have created.

I encourage black women in this forum to to decide how to define their own femininity and how to define black womanhood - without consulting black men and without clinging to the mentalities conveyed by other black women.

Ursula Burns decided that she was CEO material before white people decided she was CEO material. I know plenty of black women in ministry who felt that other people (and institutions) had to formally acknowledge their Call before they felt confident telling anyone that they were called by God as ministers of the Gospel.

It's time that we removed the need to have validation and emotional reinforcement from others before we declare who and what we are.

Forge a path for elevation rather than expecting others to define one.
When we discuss the requirements of divestment, there are many black women who are fearful of being in constructs where they are not being openly affirmed and accepted. This is a puzzling mentality for me to encounter when I reflect upon the level of violence that black women encounter in all-black constructs on a regular basis. Black women are raped by black men more than any other male group. Black women are battered by black men more than any other group. Black women are verbally assaulted by black men on a regular basis in black residential areas. These same sistas express apprehension about facing hostility outside of black constructs?

Can it be any worse for black women outside of black constructs than it is in black constructs?

Ursula Burns did not wait for white executives to describe the path that she should take to reach the executive suite. She began strategizing and forging her own path to become CEO.

Black women can expect to master the landscape without coaching and mentoring. We will see others who have powerful mentors and we need to understand why those mentors chose others to help. We need to understand how we can position ourselves to receive the attention of influential mentors.

Handle betrayal with shrewd strategy.
How do we usually handle betrayal - with toxic energy or with calculated strategy?

If black women are going to skillfully navigate competitive terrain in non-black constructs, we will have to be proactive in our strategy development to deal with traitors. Since I have spent a lot of my life in non-black constructs, I have learned that competitors almost always present themselves as friends or as professional allies. They do this so that they can learn as much as possible about you when they think that your guard is down.

I've encountered this ploy with black women who have come to this forum presenting themselves as allies only to turn around and start bashing this forum at their own blogs.

How many black women have found that their plans have been completely derailed by traitors who were considered allies? We have to strategize for instances of betrayal. Often, we don't.

We make assumptions that if we assist others, then they will assist us. We make assumptions that if we are fair with others, then they will be fair with us. We make assumptions that if we are useful to others, then we will have their loyalty. Those assumptions are ridiculous - and childish.

Create strategic dependencies. Make sure people in power depend on you.
When I ask black women who depends on their assistance, I notice a pattern. Many black women have not been trained how to establish strategic dependencies. Ursula Burns understood how to capitalize on strategic dependencies. The CEO who mentored her and protected her needed her in order to shine.

How many times do you encounter black women who help others succeed without demanding anything from them? We have wishful thinking that our kindness will be repaid but we usually will not demand reciprocity before extending our support.

Should we assume that when others succeed that they will remember the support that we gave?

Should we assume that those who are constantly turning to us for help will one day ask, "what can I do for you?" Those assumptions are ridiculous - and childish.

As we discuss dominance theory in this forum, we will continue to analyze the establishment of strategic dependencies. In order to establish strategic dependencies, we need to identify the types of capital that we can wield. We need to understand how to increase the value of the types of capital that we have acquired. We also need to understand how to ration the use of that capital so that others will not be able to stake claim to the capital that we possess without meeting the criteria that we set.

Ursula Burns is not a fluke. She is a black woman who understood dominance theory and who was able to utilize divestment strategies to her advantage while methodically preparing for her elevation.

Ursula Burns has been our teacher.

QUESTIONING CHRISTIANITY

I was reading Essence.com yesterday, and there was an article about Rabbi Alysa Stanton.

This is how she defines herself: "I'm a Jew and a rabbi who happens to be African-American. I'm not an African-American female rabbi."

It is no secret to anyone who has visited this site that I am a minister of the Gospel. Rabbi Stanton said, "This is my calling, my destiny. This wasn't something I sought out to do." I am sure that I would have the same answer if asked why I became a minister. There are plenty of black people in the church construct who grew up in churches where it was prestigious to be a minister. Ministers had a great deal of social status and influence in their construct. This was not true in the constructs that I grew up in.

Many of my ministry colleagues have mentioned that their families were extremely proud of them for entering ministry and several of them were feted at family celebrations. Many of them mention "I come from a line of ministers!" and they expect me to be deeply impressed. In process-centered church constructs, anyone can declare a calling from God and be given a title after jumping through all of the required hoops. It doesn't matter if God chose them or not. I heard a pastor say, "I worked my way up in this church." In his mind, he had ascended to the top spot.

In all major denominations, there is a rather standardized process to complete. The credentials acquired do not require special revelation from God. There is rampant misuse of power and emotional manipulation of the masses. There are many blacks who are deeply resentful of church constructs who placed themselves in the clutches of "spiritual" leaders. They didn't vet anyone and assumed that everyone who looks religious is pious and honorable.

I can imagine how the black Pentecostals in Stanton's family must have reacted to the news that she had converted to Judaism. I can hear the church folks: "She's abandoning her roots!"

Rabbi Stanton grew up as a Pentecostal Christian. She converted to Judaism in college.

I can relate to Rabbi Stanton's spiritual journey. I knew that I was one of the most unlikely candidates for ministry that any Bishop would ever encounter. I came from a non-Christian family. It didn't matter to my family if I became a Christian. Leaving my career to focus on ministry full-time produced a nonchalant shrug from the family. (It really didn't matter to them either way.)

When I was in my early twenties, I questioned everything that I had "heard" about Christianity. I knew that I needed to research Christianity without outside interference (meaning, opinions from clergy and people who "claimed" that they had been Christians since childhood). I still receive shocked expressions from Christians when I mention that "Christianity is not a religion!"

They respond, "Of course it is! There are numerous theologians who have stated that it is!"

"Just because there are people who want to turn it into a religion doesn't mean that it was ever intended by Jesus Christ to become one!" I reply with a smile.

They are willing to argue what they've been taught rather than asking God what He intended. Nearly all of my ministry colleagues who entered seminary completely confused left seminary completely confused. They were stunned to encounter seminary professors who didn't respect Christianity at all.

Do they ever ask God: "Jesus, did You die on the cross in order to create a new religion for us to follow?" They don't ask because they are afraid that the answer shatters all that they have been told. Jason Carlson and Dr. Ron Carlson wrote that "Religions are about human attempts to make our lives right with God, through our good works, sacrifices, rituals, and money."

When I was a child, I attended an all-white church because I was in an all-white town. The congregation had never been racially integrated - until the day a little black girl in ponytails walked in and said, "God wants me here." My family never visited the church.

In my early 20s, I joined a black church where the pastor didn't allow women to preach. At that time in my spiritual journey, I agreed with his philosophy about the need for black men to stop sitting on the bench watching black women raise families, lead households and carry out responsibilities that men neglected to fulfill.

He told me that he believed that the black church had miserably failed in its responsibility to train black men to be leaders and cultivators. He wanted black men to learn to accept full responsibility (not co-responsibility) for the house of God and for their own families. He would say to all men who visited, "in this house, the men take care of business and do everything that is needed to keep this ministry moving ahead. The women step in whenever they choose to - not because they have to!"

One aspect of ministry that I have always appreciated has been the interactions I have with those who mention that they are "ex-Christians". I am always interested in finding out how they defined Christianity while they considered themselves Christians, and how they defined Christianity after they decided to remove Christian affiliation from their spiritual identity. Usually, those "ex" Christians accepted any definition and interpretation of Christianity that was being handed to them. They are stunned when I tell them, "actually, what you have defined for me isn't Christianity at all. You probably should say that you are an ex-cult member and not an ex-Christian. Plenty of cults teach from the Bible, you know."

It surprises atheists when they tell me, "I don't believe in God. It's all a crock!" and I don't respond with arguments. I suppose that they expect me to launch into a long lecture about why God is still present in their lives even if they don't believe that He exists. They will say, "the Bible is a total farce!" They watch for my facial expression. They are puzzled when I ask them to share more of their thoughts about why they believe the Bible is a storybook containing the wild imaginations of white men. They can't believe that I don't become hostile and argumentative when encountering views that differ from my own.

Once, I met a bold Satanist who said, "you're a preacher aren't cha?" I nodded my head and said, "and so are you but you don't preach about the Kingdom that I preach about!" He looked at me with a puzzled expression. At that point in our encounter, he had not mentioned that he was a Satanist.

Realizing that I had discerned his affiliation, he became bold: "There's only one who rules and that is my god!" I looked at him and said, "Which coven do you belong to? Are you a solo practitioner?" My questions completely threw him for a loop. He was expecting to lure me into a heated argument where he expected me to denounce all of his beliefs and proclaim that I was superior to him and all who were like him. When I said, "my best friend is a Satanist too..." his mouth fell open. I continued asking about his beliefs but I could tell he didn't know how to relate to a Christian who wasn't scoffing at him.

This think tank presents an imperative for black women - to challenge the mentalities that they have validated in the constructs that they have spent their lives in.

Many women feel threatened in any arena where they are required to question the beliefs that have become a part of their personhood.

It is important for black women to think critically about spiritual doctrines and about their allegiance to "religion". Black women are the primary financial investors of the black church. They represent more than 80% of the attendees in the pews on any given Sunday.

It is important for us to dismantle the need to accept whatever spiritual affiliation is being validated in the constructs that we are in.

I've met plenty of black women who will respond, "I grew up in the church!" when you ask them why they chose to embrace Christianity. I've always thought that was a strange answer. It seems that if they had grown up with parents and family members who were Muslim, then they would be Muslim. If they had grown up with parents and family members who were cult members, then they would be cult members.

"Christianity is all that I've known!" they declare with pride. I wonder why they are proud of accepting the beliefs that are handed to them by those they seek validation from.

If no one in their family had been Christian, would they have ever chosen to be? With the mentality of embracing the beliefs of whomever validates them? Probably not. Therein lies the root of the problem among so many black women who profess an allegiance to Christianity.

Do we know that our patterns of accepting whatever is being validated by those we have an emotional investment in will always lead to subjugation?

I didn't become Christian because Christianity was validated by my parents or family members. I grew up in a home where we were encouraged to think for ourselves.

There are many black women who adopted Christian beliefs and converted to Islam in order to improve their chances for marriage. They won't admit this to anyone. They embraced another "religion" and then discovered that there is plenty of subjugation and exploitation in Muslim communities. Some are dismayed that they left one construct of exploitation only to wind up in another construct of exploitation.

They comfort themselves by insisting "we all serve the same God anyway!" I have told many Muslim women that I don't serve the Muslim Allah and they don't serve Jesus Christ. I tell them: We don't serve the same God! You are not calling upon Jesus Christ in your prayers! They are usually silent. I suspect that they want to cling to the delusion that all religions lead to the same God.

It is important that we ask some questions that will lead black women out of spiritual ambivalence and spiritual exploitation:

Why do I believe what I believe?

Do I still believe whatever I have been told since childhood?

Do I still believe whatever is being validated by those have respect and stature?

Do I believe whatever others give me acceptance for believing?

What has truly informed my spiritual journey?

IDENTIFYING BLACK SELF-HATE

As we continue our group examinations of the obstacles to special-interest solidarity, I will lead some group examinations to challenge our understanding of black self-identification.

What constitutes black self-hatred?

Acknowledging both of your parents' heritage?

Having a love for more than one culture or ancestral path?

Changing your hair color?

Changing your eye color?

Changing your clothing styles?

Getting surgery on your face to change the size or shape of your nose, lips or cheeks?

Wearing hair extensions or wigs that have a hair texture you weren't born with?

If you tour the blogosphere and read discussions where black people are delving into social issues, you will often encounter allegations of black self-hate launched by blacks who level that accusation whenever they encounter any type of self-identification by a black person that they don't feel is legitimate.

I have mentioned in several conversations that we've had about self-definition that Tiger Woods was accused of black self-hate when he included both of his parents' ancestry in a statement about his heritage.

When Tiger corrected a reporter who only defined him by his father's ancestry, he stated that his ancestry was was Caucasian, African and Asian. He was displaying his hatred for being black? Really? Months ago, I was at another forum when I noticed this opinion being elevated to stunning heights of ignorance.

One person claimed that biracial people who acknowledge their mother's and father's heritage are attempting to benefit from their affiliation with both races. Allow me to unpack that mentality for a moment.

If you belong to two racial groups, or two ethnic groups, you should only benefit from affiliation with one group? To appease who? The blacks who don't have dual-ancestry?

Should you refuse to publicly identify with your mother or father's ancestry, as Halle Berry does, so that you can appease the blacks who want to demand the same self-definitions for all blacks? Many years ago, I read an interview where Halle said, "I had to choose." She should have stated, "I grew up in all-black constructs where I felt I had to choose black-only identity in order to receive acceptance from blacks."

She didn't have to choose. She made a choose to do so in order to be validated by blacks who had an ignorant mentality about self-definition. Now, she is partnered with a white man and her daughter has more white ancestry than black ancestry. Her daughter has four grandparents - and only one grandparent is black. Should Halle's daughter deny a bloodline affiliation with everyone except her black grandparent (the trifling father who was abusive to Halle and her sibling)?

I can think of many blacks who would say "yes, that is what we want! She should only claim the black ancestry to show her solidarity with us!"

If I had to create a simple definition of black self-hatred, I would say that black self-hatred is a contempt for blackness or black identity.

I know plenty of black people who identify themselves only by racial affiliation.

I know plenty of black people who identify themselves only by their ethnic group affiliation.

I don't know any white people who refer to themselves as white - except when they are talking to blacks. Many whites I know refer to themselves by their ancestry - Irish or Scottish or Italian or Greek or whatever their ancestral background consists of. They don't say, "I'm white but my sub-group is Irish." That sounds absurd.

There are plenty of people who have very dark brown skin who do not have African ancestors. Since Africa was the location where the oldest human remains were found, the argument can be made that all human civilization originated in Africa and that all human beings are of African origin. If some people want to adopt that view, I will not begrudge them the delight of telling everyone of every race that they are all Africans from Eden!

If you happen to be in this country and ask an Indian person if he/she is black, you will probably hear them say that they are not black.

They will say that they are not black because they are rejecting the implication that they have African ancestry. The term "black", when applied to people groups, is usually associated with those persons in the U.S. who have African ancestors.

I have heard some blacks insist that blacks who change their hair color or eye color or hair texture are rejecting their blackness.

That mentality assumes that there can be only one way to "look" black. Those of us who are of the African diaspora have so many different physical characteristics. We have all eye colors. We have all hair textures. We have all skin tones.

I dated a brotha who had white skin. His mother appeared to be black but his father appeared to be a white man with very straight light brown hair. He insisted that his father was black and I didn't challenge him. (His father could have been biracial but did not identify as biracial.)

Black women should feel free to adopt as many "looks" as they choose!

White women get lip injections to make their lips larger. They get spray tans to change their skin tones. They use chemicals to change the natural texture of their hair. When they do these things, they aren't accused of displaying hatred for whiteness.

Black women can define black beauty however they choose to and they can change whatever physical characteristics they choose to! I've seen Asian women with blond dye in their hair. Does it mean that they hate being Asian? Should I even care if they hate being Asian?

Black women do not have to limit their definition of black beauty to one dimension. Black beauty can be defined any way you want it to be defined.

If I choose to flat-iron my black hair so that it is straight, it is a tribute to my grandmother. She had long straight black hair. It is not a display of whiteness idolatry or black self-hatred. If I choose to copy my grandmother's look, it is not an attempt adopt Eurocentric standards of beauty. I like to imitate the different styles of black beauty reflected by my own relatives.

If I see a sista with blue contact lenses, I don't know if she is imitating her mother's look - or if she wants blue eyes like the character, Pecola in the book, The Bluest Eye because she longs to feel noticed and to stand out.

Should we just assume that anyone and everyone who wants to have blue eyes or brown eyes is manifesting black self-hatred?

Does it make sense for us to assume what others think about themselves? Is that how we intelligently engage with others - by assigning our own blanket assumptions to total strangers?

I've seen white people walking down the street with purple hair. I didn't assume that person is rejecting his/her whiteness simply because purple hair is not a characteristic of their dominant ancestry. It seems that only blacks attempt to impose this counterfeit criteria on other blacks. Perhaps that person wants to stand out by having a bold and usual color that many whites don't have.

There are many blacks who have had complex issues with self-hatred. Those issues have usually transferred from one generation to the next. Knowing that many blacks have wrestled with racial inferiority and self-hate doesn't mean that I will "diagnose" black self-hate with every stranger that I encounter who does not interpret black beauty in the same way that I do.

The accusation of black self-hatred is usually launched by blacks who have very limited life experience among blacks who are different from themselves. Many blacks in this country have never lived in other countries and have never even traveled abroad. For this reason, many have not been exposed to the diversity of the characteristics of the black race throughout the world.

Often, I have noticed that the allegation of black self-hatred is launched by blacks who refuse to accept that all blacks do not embrace their definition of blackness. I mentioned this in the post "Examining The De-Black Tactic".

If Beyonce wants to dye her hair blond when she wasn't born blond, I won't decide that her interpretation of black beauty should be de-legitimized. Her interpretation of black beauty is not mine but I won't de-legitimize hers. I have been to natural hair evangelism blogs and many women seem to think that a hair style is a statement for all black women. In actuality, a hair style is a statement for them but they want other black women to interpret hair style decisions the same way they do!

Halle Berry had a nose job before she became famous. I have seen photos of her with her pre-surgery nose. She was attractive with her pre-surgery nose and she is just as attractive with a nose job. I don't assume that her decision to get a nose job was based on her hatred of blackness.

There are countless black celebrities who have had cosmetic surgery on their faces. Lil' Kim has had many surgeries and looks nothing like she did at the beginning of her career. Michael Jackson has had many surgeries and looks nothing like he did at the beginning of his career. Do they have a deep-seated hatred for blackness? I don't know them personally. I have never read any interviews when they discussed their interpretation of blackness. How can I decide what they think about being black?

Perhaps they just don't like one facial feature. They may not have a disdain for black identity at all.

Many blacks seem to think that they know Michael's feelings about his blackness. How do they know? "He doesn't date black women!" they sneer. "He doesn't date white women either!" I reply, with a smirk. Michael has stated in many interviews he felt that his mother was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I believe him. Most black men would say that.

Soledad O'Brien didn't mention her black heritage when she began her career. As a result, many blacks have hostile feelings towards her. If a person does not mention their ancestry, we should assume that they are rejecting it?

When I hear people saying that Soledad O'Brien is a "sell out", I ask "what does her ancestry have to do with her journalism skills? Why should she be lambasted for not mentioning her ancestry when entering the journalism field? If she had chosen to focus her career covering black issues and black constructs then I can see how that would have been necessary. I fail to understand why she was required by blacks to make sure that everyone in her profession knew that she had African ancestry.

Soledad is not obligated to validate or adhere to any "black rules" in black constructs. She is a fully-divested black woman.

Divested black women do not feel obligated to define themselves according to the dictates of other blacks.

My failure to mention my heritage in conversations with every person who I happen to know doesn't mean that I reject my Puerto Rican heritage. Sometimes, it matters in the conversation and most of the time, it doesn't come up in the conversation at all.

I have met many blacks who claimed to love the black race but as I listened to their views of other blacks, it was clear that they had a contempt for the diversity of the black race.

They only loved blackness that met their own criteria!

They only loved blackness that was packaged the way they preferred!

They dismissed any categories that didn't fit into their tiny box of what constitutes black self-identification. I believe that this is rooted in a contempt for blackness.

I told one woman online: "You can't claim to love blackness and only love one tiny segment of blacks who are like you. You express contempt for biracials. You express contempt for foreign-born blacks. You don't have a love for blackness if you sneer at any segment of the race that doesn't reflect the tiny black segment that you have spent your life in!"

When we speak about black self-identification, each of us has to realize that every black person is entitled to acknowledge whatever ancestry he/she has - without securing your permission.

Why does this issue come up so often? It arises because there are black women who don't realize that self-definition is one criteria for mental readiness to run the race.

Many black women think that black people must adopt a collective definition in order to embrace a common commitment to collective advancement. We don't.

There are some black women who have mentioned in discussions at this forum that the black self-hatred of others has a direct impact their lives. My question is "how?"

Black people who have severely negative conditioning about their black identity have no power over my career choices, value systems, or class mobility. I don't see any justification for the argument that some black women have presented about black self-hatred impacting the quality of their lives.

Creating illegitimate criteria to determine solidarity with other black people will present road blocks for black women who seek to expand the width of the empowerment path that they choose to undertake. Special-interest solidarity doesn't demand racial conformity. Black unity required racial conformity (and de-legitimized multiculturalism) in order to maintain control over those who claimed allegiance to "black interests".

Special-interest solidarity focuses on common priorities - not on common ancestral identification.

Special-interest solidarity requires an assessment of different types of capital in different spheres of influence.

Special-interest solidarity does not require identical or complimentary ideologies on every single issue that pertains to black women's lives. This means that I can foster special-interest solidarity with women who aren't black.

It means that I can foster special-interest solidarity with brown-skinned women who state that they do not have African ancestry.

It means that I can foster special-interest solidarity with black women who wear blond weaves and blue contact lenses.

How can I foster special-interest solidarity with black women who wear blond wigs?!" you may ask. In my mind, their hair style has nothing to do with their ability to work on common concerns with me about homeless women, about addicted women, or about abandoned children.

Far too many black women have validated a lot of counterfeit criteria that serves to produce more obstacles for the empowerment path of black women.

This counterfeit criteria is often "believed" to provide protection. Let's unpack that for a moment.

What types of blacks do black women need protection from?

What types of whites do black women need protection from?

What types of Asians do black women need protection from?

What types of Jews do black women need protection from?

If there are black women who want to use the "protecting ourselves from non-blacks" as their reason for enforcing counterfeit criteria to define solidarity, then I'd like to know which groups pose a threat to black women's empowerment and how are black women being threatened by those groups.

If you don't have an answer to the question, it is because there is no justification for establishing counterfeit criteria based on assumptions about other blacks' motives for their self-definitions. Know who you are. Learn your own ancestry. Those who have the least amount of knowledge of their own ancestry seem to have the most negative commentary about those blacks who are comfortable with their own self-definition.

Perhaps it is because they aren't comfortable with their lack of knowledge about their own ancestry. Perhaps they are ashamed of their ignorance about their own African ancestry. Perhaps their hidden shame motivates them to attempt to decide how other blacks should define themselves. I believe the entire discussion they have about those blacks is actually a cover-up for not discussing their willful ignorance about their own African tribal history.

I'll repeat my opening statement: black self-hatred is a contempt for blackness or black identity.

What's your definition?

How do you apply that definition to others?

How does your mentality about black self-hate impact your engagement with other blacks?

How does your engagement with blacks who are "suspect" (in your mind) impact collective advancement for black women as a whole?

When we examine our answers to these questions, we will be ready to define the barriers to special-interest solidarity.

GUEST POST: TODAY IS LOVING DAY

Black Women, Blow The Trumpet! is honored to present to you its fourth guest columnist and its first of 2009, Karyn L. Folan. She is the author of four fascinating books that everyone must read, Diary Of An Ugly Duckling, A Personal Matter , Unfinished Business, and Street Level. She has just launched a new blog! Be sure to watch for her upcoming book, Don't Bring Home a White Boy (And Other Notions That Keep Black Women Single), that will be in bookstores in January 2010.
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Today is Loving Day. Forty-two years ago on this day, Mildred Loving, a black woman, and her white husband won legal recognition of their interracial union before the highest court in the land. Even though the case that started it all involved a black woman and a white man, the Lovings’ landmark 1967 Supreme Court case seems to have primarily benefited black men and white women. Black men marry interracially at 2.65 times the rate that black women marry white men. Black male/white female relationships comprise 73% of all black/white interracial marriages.

Why?

I have spent the last year trying to understand why black men are dating and marrying interracially… and black women are not. I interviewed social psychologists, historians, legal scholars and every day women. I found many answers, from the legacy of slavery to the fear of racial disloyalty. But among the most interesting was a reply from black woman who cited “preferences.” One said: “White men don’t have that cool swagger.” Another said: “Pale skin is gross—and get that straight hair away from me!” And of course, more than one black woman explained her romantic preferences on sexual grounds. “I hear they have small penises.”

These women truly believed their comments revealed nothing more than a preference for a certain kind of man. I can assure you they do not. They reveal some insidious stereotypes that have the potential to damage both the black women who state them—and the black men they speak of. To understand their dark side all you have to do is flip these comments. Imagine them restated from a white perspective. “Swaggering black men with rough hair, dark skin and big penises.”

Sound offensive? It is.

It comes straight from the racist materials circulated after Reconstruction as white Southerners tried to recast the freed black men as dangerous “animals”--beasts that had to be repressed. And yet some black women mouthed these identical “advantages” to me as justifications for their preferences of black men, using ugly racial stereotypes over a hundred years old!

The news gets worse. Studies that suggest that “swagger” masks an aggressiveness that can be damaging to women in relationships. Much has been written about the “cool pose” some black men adopt when they feel they have little else. “Cool” and “swagger” are masks that men use to protect them from intimacy. And while bad boy qualities might make for plenty of relationship drama, they aren’t the basis for loving relationships.

Skin tone, hair texture and eye color are certainly attractors for men and women alike. But surely we can agree that those are the most superficial of initial impressions. A man in your favorite skin shade who acts badly, is still a man who acts badly. These physical criteria amount for very little compared to a man’s qualities. Is he caring? Is he thoughtful? Is he able to provide for you emotionally, physically and financially? Does he think you hung the moon? Every woman wants that from her man—and physical preferences matters less and less when other needs are met.

Finally, every study on penis size finds no statistical size difference between the races (and there are several highly reputable studies). I can’t imagine why: anyone with Internet access can find this stuff out for herself! This was one of the biggest lies of the racism of Reconstruction… that black men (and some black women) now parrot proudly.

It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

Unexamined, the “preference” for any physical quality in any man is potentially dangerous stuff. Most women understand that limiting their dating pool to only men with a certain “look”—be it a hairstyle, a physique or straight teeth-- is a pretty shallow basis on which to make a life decision. But in stating their preferences for black men only or basing their romantic options on certain mannerisms that exclude men of other backgrounds they do nothing more than perpetuate the myths created by white racism. They embrace the very stereotypes black people have spent over a century trying to overcome.

The “preference argument” was only one “notion” black women who refused to date interracially gave me. I call them “notions” because I can’t call them “reasons”. Reasons have some justification and most of these notions fell apart as soon as I began to try to understand them. The good news is more and more single black women are questioning the beliefs they grew up with, testing them against a changing world. More and more black women are realizing that those who would have them limit their dating pool to “black men only” do not have their best interests at heart. These are the same people who would have us continue to play soundtrack of slavery in heads, seeing ourselves as the victims of white men, not their equals. These are the people who expect black women to give freely of their time, their bodies, their money, their hearts and souls—and ask for nothing in return. These are the people who suggest that if a black woman can’t find a black man, she should give her time in service to the church or the community or her extended family—anything but expand her options and find love, care and gentle treatment for herself.

As Rev. Lisa would say “It’s time to stop the madness.”

To expand our loving horizons, black women must be able to lay aside the soundtrack of the racial victimization. This is the soundtrack that casts all white males as “blue eyed devils”— but manages to over look that some black men can be “devils” too. This is the soundtrack that says that only black men will find us attractive—when the truth is that any man might appreciate our charms-- but we’ve been trained either not to notice the reactions of non-black men or to be offended by that attention. So many of the black women I interviewed admitted that men of other races had approached them, but that they’d never taken those men seriously, or worse, shut them down before determining anything about the man’s character or qualities! I can only wonder how many black women have missed out on their soul mate because they were too color-conscious to say “hello.”

In 1959 when Mildred and Richard Loving quietly tied the knot in Washington, D.C. and began the eight year odyssey that ended in the Supreme Court, their adversaries were white racists and segregation laws. Today’s black woman involved interracially need not worry about the law. And while there are still whites who are uncomfortable or against black/white unions, she is likely to hear far less from them than her fellow blacks.

In 2007 on the fortieth anniversary of Loving Day, Mildred said: “Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the 'wrong kind of person' for me to marry.” On this Loving Day, I urge single black women to search their hearts. How do you select your dates? Who’s telling you who’s “the wrong kind to marry?” What ideas have you absorbed? Are they really true? Have you turned a man down because he wasn’t black? If the same man had had brown or black skin would you have still said “no”? Have you bought into ideas of manliness that exclude men of other races? Are your ideas keeping you from finding the person “precious to you”?

My husband is a white man. If I had judged him solely by appearance, we never would have had even one date. Five happy years later, I thank God I silenced the soundtrack and got to know him. You don’t marry a man for skin or hair or teeth or even the size of his penis. You marry him for his qualities and how well he treats you—and it really doesn’t matter what shade he comes in. Mildred Loving knew that fifty years ago… and it is my sincere hope that each of us can represent her legacy today.

Happy Loving Day.



By Karyn Langhorne Folan
2009 All Rights Reserved

MENTAL READINESS TO RUN THE RACE

Harriet Tubman knew what many black activists do not want to admit: few people who talk about liberation and empowerment are mentally-prepared to grab hold of it.

Deborah Evans, blog host of Paravanes: Meditations mentioned that,"the idea of Black women exercising mastery and dominance in any environment (esp. non-Black ones) is extremely threatening and intimidating to some. As a result, your ideas have been intentionally and non-intentionally mischaracterized. For some, the idea of us exercising mastery/control/dominance in the world arena is unthinkable."

Her observation that,"many are afraid of how they would have to change in order to move to AND sustain AND defend a position of recognized power."

Mental readiness for empowerment requires five things:
1. Self-knowledge
2. Self-definition
3. Self-examination
4. Self-accountability
5. Absolutes

There are a few women who have come here asking "why don't we focus on the external factors that black women must address?" It is quite revealing that I see these same women at other blog forums, such as Jack & Jill Politics, that address many external factors and they aren't asking the blog hosts, "why aren't we doing any inner work?" How telling. They are asking why we have to be focused on inner work? Anyone who downplays the importance of self-examination and inner transformation isn't mentally ready for the empowerment path - and will create obstructions on that path for other black women.

This is a forum where black women are being persistently challenged to engage in collective introspection.

Harriet Tubman encountered scores of slaves who didn't want to do what was required to be free. There are many black women who want to moan and groan about the "plight of black women" and mention inner work and they storm off in the opposite direction muttering loudly about sexism and classism and white supremacy.

This isn't a "let's blame white men" blog.
This isn't a "let's blame white women" blog.
This isn't a "let's blame black men" blog.
This isn't a "let's blame slavery" blog.

Those who want to talk about external factors that impact black women can choose from several thousands forums on any given day. The sistas who are engaged here on a regular basis are courageous enough to bring a mirror with them.

If you have read more than one discussion in this forum, then it is no surprise that discussion participants are required to examine themselves as we engage in group discussions.

Anyone who thinks that self-introspection amounts to self-debasement isn't mentally ready for the empowerment path - and will create obstructions on that path for other black women.

Deborah further observed that, "your ideas are threatening and intimidating because to consider them as true options would require a massive rethinking of priorities and energies."

As I absorbed her wisdom, I had a new lens with which to interpret the hostility that some women have attempted to hurl in this forum, the lies that they created about my positions at their own forums, and the competitive and jealous spirit behind their "rebuttal" posts as well as their spiteful "warnings about Lisa" in coded language in their forums that are offered under the guise of intellectual critique. Many blacks sent out "warnings" to other blacks about Malcolm X - and even about Dr. Martin Luther King! There will always be intimidated black folks whenever someone starts communicating ideology that their minds can't grasp.

The same women who have spent their time sending out "warnings about Lisa" in coded language have come to this forum repeatedly. If jealousy isn't the motivating factor, then why would they have made so many repeated visits to this forum - only to run to their blog forums and start taking swipes at this one?

The bishop I worked for told me, "those who criticize me the loudest are the very ones who have spent the most time running behind everything I say."

When we see those mentalities on display, we need to understand that it clearly reflects a lack of mental readiness to run the race.

Recently, I openly confronted one woman who came here "pretending" to be confused while attempting to introduce back-handed criticisms of this platform. When her ploy was exposed, she ran back to her forum to post a rant about this blog. When we see those petty mentalities on display, it is clear that there is a lack of mental readiness to meet the requirements of the collective introspection process.

Some women have even sent out email to other blog hosts to ask them to comment on their "critique" just to add public legitimacy to their underhandedness. "Lisa can't boss us and tell us what to do!" they rail. They seem to forget that they came into this forum without any KFC coupons or free product samples being offered by me!

In an attempt to cover up their own fear of doing inner work and fear of the transperancy that this forum requires, quite a few have spent their time preparing rants in email (or at their own blogs) about this forum.

A few have even unknowingly (or foolishly) sent their negative rants by email to women who gladly forwarded it on to me with winks.

Sometimes, I just shake my head and think out loud, "games some black women play".

All of these tactics that I have seen were based on resentments, class jealousies, competitiveness, and insecurities that allowed them to feel intimidated.

If we validate these mentalities, then we will contribute to the derailment of collective advancement for black women and stifle the valuable results that collective introspection can produce for black women across the nation.

Harriet was willing to leave many slaves behind to die in captivity. I too am willing to leave many women behind. Harriet didn't drag anyone to freedom. I have no need to do so either.

In January, one woman decided to come here and cross-examine me - and then stormed off when her comment didn't appear onscreen. I wondered to myself: "Did she actually think that I had to pass inspection for her to bring her behind into my house?" This mentality is exhibited by others. It is rooted in their ridiculous expectation that other black women need have something to prove to receive trust - while they don't have to prove anything.

If there are women who don't want to embrace knowledge, then why are they here? Sometimes, I just shake my head and think out loud, "games some black women play".

Like Harriet, I won't take responsibility for those who die in captivity based on their refusal to take the opportunities that others took to run for freedom. Only 300 slaves heeded Harriet's directions in order to be free. Only a miniscule percentage of blacks took the door that was opened to them.

How many slaves sat in their slave huts year after year, discussing rumors about that woman Harriet and refused to become mentally-ready for liberation?

There is a small (and growing) segment of black women who are ready to run the race!

There are phenomenal sistas who have consistently brought substance and wisdom to this think tank.

There is a small (and growing) segment of black women who understand dominance theory and are prepared to apply what they have learned.

There is a small (and growing) segment of black women who have taken the time to become multicultural and have mastery of other cultures. They are prepared to enter different spheres of influence and gain capital.

Mental readiness to run the race requires a mind that can digest, process and cultivate ideologies. Many women come to this forum deeply confused and they leave here deeply confused. One reason why they leave here confused is because they have decided that someone else should become responsible for their comprehension - someone other than themselves.

Racism, sexism, classism and white supremacy isn't the only reason why black women are stifled in certain spheres of society. It takes mental readiness that requires a long-term investment.

This forum does not allow ploys, de-blacking tactics, lying about or distorting the views presented by discussion participants, hostility, or veiled insults. Quite a few have said that the rules are "strict". If respectful conversation is too much for them to offer to others, then they don't belong in a think tank such as this one where intelligent, forward-thinking black women are offering useful tools and priceless wisdom to others.

Dr. Angelou said, "If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die." I don't think that many black women have understood the costs that they have inflicted upon the collective advancement process with their refusal to extend trust and respect to others. Often, I've encountered many black women (online and offline) who expected to receive trust and respect without exhibiting it.

It quickly becomes obvious which discussion participants are not doing any outside research on these topics. There were a few who thought I should be the one to do their research for them. They want me to tell them what to read and where to find their reading material. "Has Google shut down their search engine?" I wonder to myself. Collective empowerment begins with individual empowerment. Individual empowerment begins with self-initiative.

This forum presents Four Stages to Self-Actualization for Black Women:
Dismantle!
Divest!
Diversify!
Dominate!

Many are still grappling with stage one. This stage may take several years for some. This stage can not be completed by those who can not admit that mental baggage must be addressed on an individual level. Rather than delving deeply into that aspect of our liberation, they want to discuss "well white women don't have to..." and I usually tell them, "you're right".

"Why don't we talk about the mental conditioning that occurs outside of all-black constructs?" complained one woman. (She had been in in all-black constructs all of her life!) "Oh, so you want us to discuss the conditioning that doesn't apply to your construct? Which also happens to be the construct that the majority of black women are living in right now? I find it so interesting," I respond.

Over the past year, it has become clear to me that there are many protests that are craftily "invented" by those women who refuse to delve into the inner work that is required to run the race.

We have had many discussions in which I have insisted that black women realize that they will not receive apologies from black men or from anyone. I have insisted that we realize that no one will take responsibility for elevating black women or saving - except for black women.

As wonderful as it may be to imagine, the majority of black men aren't focused on elevating black women. In fact, there are plenty of them openly bashing black women online who host forums like this.

It may be hard to accept the reality that America will not take accountability for the wrongs that have been committed against our ancestors or against us. We have a difficult choice to make - we can dissolve the path of empowerment by validating the bitterness, discord and denial that other women seek to manufacture - or we can prepare to dominate.

I've made my choice. What about you?

CUTTING THE BALL AND CHAIN OF THE STRONG BLACK WOMAN

Two weeks ago, I read an article at Essence.com about an unemployed college graduate, Shenika, who was 21-year old when she decided to become a parent to her seven siblings after her mother died unexpectedly. Shenika is being presented as a heroine who should be admired and emulated. There were over 200 comments about her story and all of them were cheers from other women.

While I deeply admire Shenika's courage and discipline, I am deeply saddened when I encounter black women who were "programmed" to believe that it is their duty to parent children who they had no responsibility for bringing into this world. It is so common to hear applause and cheers when black women take on the responsibilities of other adults. They are validated for sacrificing in the name of family unity.

I believe that Shenika's story presents the dynamics in black constructs that allow black women to think it is heroic to take on the responsibilities of black men. Shenika says: "I just sacrificed and accepted it."

Check out the story: Shenika Babb Interview. Shenika says, "I would cook enough for two days and do housework at night. I graduated within two years with my masters in public administration."

One commenter cheers on Shenika with these words, "This is the kind of woman you want to tell your daughter's about, young, black and strong, an example of an angel sent from God. There is nothing greater, no black man or white man or woman, can top a strong black woman. Shenika proves that!!!"

Sistas, can we please stop the madness?

"There's nothing greater that can top a strong black woman." This deeply dysfunctional mentality must be dismantled.

At the age of 21, Shenika decided to care for seven siblings. Her siblings were 16, 14, 13, 11, 8, 6, and 2 years of age.

Where were the fathers of these seven children? One father took responsibility for three. Ultimately, Shenika obtained custody of those children as well. Was he an unfit father? What about the father or fathers of the other four children? Or Shenika's father? Where were the fathers? Why doesn't anyone ask that question while they are cheering that Shenika managed to handle the situation all by herself?

The father of the three of the children filed a lawsuit against the paramedics who arrived at the home while Shenika's mother was having a heart attack. He won a $5.3 million judgment. Shenika raised seven children but was not entitled to any of the settlement money since she was not a minor at the time of her mother's death.

As I think about the millions of black women who are single parents of multiple children who have stress-related and obesity-related medical problems, I am filled with sadness.

Why do so many black women construct our lives in a way that leads to early death? I wrote a post, "The Gold Digger and The Grave Digger" to invite an honest conversation about the choices that black women make in forging our life paths.

Why do we so often accept the identity of the "struggling" black woman who is always trying to "survive"? Last July, I presented a discussion on "Disbanding the Cult of Pain". Last month, Halima shared a post at her IR forum, "Are You Being Recruited To The Cult of 'The Blues'?

Why do we have admiration for struggle?

In the discussion, "The Intersectionality of Strategic Marriage and Power", one of the discussion participants, Anxious Black Woman, offered this input:
"What I've been reacting to mostly, which was less about your specific arguments and more about what I sensed was a general way we have these conversations, was an expectation that - when the mountains are in the way, we as the STRONG BLACK WOMAN everyone expects us to be, should just be able to climb those mountains and get over, and when we don't, the conversation is: Oh, what's wrong with that black woman? Didn't she know all she had to do was say, 'Mountain, get out of my way?!' and it would leap?"

No one expects me to be a strong black woman because those who know me realize that I feel it is a ridiculous notion to uphold.I believe that the expectations that people form about black women will be impacted by the self-definition that we individually convey about ourselves.

Why do we internalize the expectations of others?

How have our own behaviors reinforced the expectations that others have?

Do our behaviors create the expectations that are attached to us - or do the expectations we internalize influence our behaviors?

I am not one of those black women who declares "my mother taught me not to depend on anybody!" and believes that type of advice is sensible.

I am resourceful. I am ambitious. I am progressive. I am responsible for the construction of my own value system. I am in control of my own self-definition.

My life is not being constructed to fuel entrapment and bondage based on a warped view of black female invincibility. I should clarify that I do believe in being adults becoming self-sufficient, but I see how the mentality of self-sufficiency is being carried too far by many black women and how it has become mental bondage.

In our group discussion on "The Intersectionality of Strategic Marriage and Power", Karyn Folan said:
"Like you, Lisa, I have no desire to be perceived as a SBW--rather, I want to enjoy what women of every other race and culture enjoy: the pleasure of being a woman. Not that women aren't strong--we are--but being free to be a woman means we are also free to be soft, be vulnerable, be taken care of, be adored, be cherished and be loved. A black woman who is perceived as being a SBW doesn't get any of that "gentle treatment" because she's perceived as not needing it (even though in all likelihood she needs it as much as, if not more, than any other woman!)"

One woman came to this forum and said to us that "black women are the triple-burden bearers and that's all there is to it!" (That may be the definition that she has internalized throughout her life. It certainly isn't the definition that all black women must internalize!)

How do we cut the ball and chain?

1 - We can examine the roots of the "Black Woman Superwoman" self-definition. Who is actually benefiting most from the "Black Woman Superwoman" banner - black women or black men? When we answer the question, we will understand why we are contributing to our own subjugation by validating it.

2 - We can severe the roots that allow a dysfunctional self-definition to be reinforced. The post "Bondage In The Black Family" and "Examining The Guilt Trip On Class Mobility" address many dysfunctional mentalities. These mentalities give validity to The "Black Woman Superwoman" ball and chain.

3 - We can reconstruct our individual personhood in order to reinforce a new self-definition of black womanhood. The construction of our individual value systems must change if our individual personhood is going to change.

4 - We can separate ourselves from constructs where black women are being applauded for exhibiting dysfunctional grave digger mentalities. (I've been to many churches where single black women were raising their children's children who were born to single parents! They are being applauded for their selflessness - and for keeping the family together. Should we be counseling them about how dysfunctional it is to continue to enable the irresponsibility of their adult children?)

5 - We can refuse to forge relationships with those persons who justify dysfunctional mentalities that subjugate black women. We can confront those mentalities whenever we encounter them.

We can destroy the "Black Woman Superwoman" ball and chain any time we want to!

This blog forum challenges black women to engage in collective introspection. We ask "what can we change within ourselves that will change our reality?"

"Aren't we supposed to be proud to be Strong Black Women?" they ask. They don't know how to react when they hear that this mentality that was elevated by women in their constructs is being labeled "dysfunctional".

Their usual reaction is to dismiss whatever doesn't fit into the black narrative that they accepted as valid. They also seek to discredit the message in order to absolve themselves of the responsibility of self-examination.

One of my friends grew up in a fatherless home and never encountered responsible black men. She's used to seeing a single mother running the household and giving direction to men male adults who were her live-in boyfriends. Once, we were on our way to a restaurant with a guy. He was figuring out how we would get there. She spoke up and told him which way to take to get there. I glared at her but he didn't notice. Later, when this guy wasn't around, I told her, "it will be great when my sistas stop thinking they need to tell a man what he needs to do when he isn't asking them!" She was shocked to hear me say those words. In her mind, it was common for black women to tell brothas what to do and when to do it!

I explained to her that it wasn't necessary for her to step in and start giving that brotha any directions when he wasn't asking either of us for our recommendations - especially when we weren't wandering around lost. She felt it was okay to tell a man what to do who had not asked for her direction! She has seen black women adopt this behavior all of her life. When this mentality is unchecked, it becomes emasculating.

Another time, this same sista was dining in a restaurant with a white woman and a white guy from their church. The bill was incorrect so the white guy called the waiter and mentioned the error. She immediately spoke up and started talking over him to explain the situation to the waiter. She told me that as soon as she heard herself, she remembered what I had said about the other situation. She said that the white woman didn't utter a word when the problem was handled by their dinner companion. She said that a week later, she asked this white woman why she didn't say anything about the bill dispute. The woman said, "that was not my problem to solve".

How often do black women decide that other people's problems are our problems to fix? This is part of the mentality of the Black Superwoman - the belief that we have to be the fixers, the rescuers, the doers.

Men who have high self-esteem and who were properly socialized into manhood will not accept a relationship dynamic where they are constantly being told what to do and what to think by a woman. Unfortunately, black women who were constantly being exposed to incompetent and worthless men male adults in their lives usually function on autopilot. It is a norm for them to correct and men male adults. It's so common in the environments that they spend most of their time in that they don't even understand how insulting it sounds.

Sistas, can we please stop the madness?

I imagine that someone who is reading these words is thinking, "well what are we supposed to do?"

We don't have to spend our lives in constructs where the majority of the men male adults are inept and have not been correctly socialized into manhood. This is why the black divestment discussion is so important for black women to elevate.

Black divestment is a self-preservation imperative that requires us to make radical choices that will remove us from constructs where dysfunctional behavior (and hyper self-sufficiency) is necessary for survival.

THE MYTH OF BLACK MONOCULTURALISM

There is a myth that seems to be receiving a great deal of traction among tribeless blacks in this country who grew up around people who resembled themselves: "Black people have a shared culture and a shared history."

I understand why so many blacks cling to this myth. If you've only been exposed to constructs where blacks are like you, then it is easy to assume that all blacks everywhere are like you. It is easy to adopt a skewed reality about what all blacks are.

According to Wiki, culture can be described as "the set of shared attitudes, values, goals and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or a group."

Newsflash for those who haven't left the city they were born in: Black people in this country do not share the same attitudes.
Black people in this country do not share the same values.
Black people in this country do not share the same faith background.
Black people in this country do not share the same goals.
Black people in this country do not share the same lifestyles. Black people in this country do not share the same family structures.
Black people in this country do not share the same history.

"Not even the same history?!" many of you will challenge. Many blacks whose ancestors were African slaves share the same origin (slave descendents), but they don't share the same African history. Why? All African slaves who were brought to America did not come from the same African country.

After slavery, the freed slaves made different choices for their lives. Some freed slaves remained on the same plantations as their Massas, in the same slave huts! They continued to work on the same plantation for their Massas and did not seek educations or socioeconomic mobility. Some freed slaves migrated to the northern states. Freed slaves did not forge the same path and therefore, even the blacks whose ancestors were slaves do not share the same history.

American culture consists of music, cuisine, clothing, value systems, male/female construction, and language. There are many facets of American culture. American culture can't be separated into white culture and black culture. I have always understood this but I have used the terms "white culture" and "black culture" when speaking to those who have a narrow view of our cultural landscape. I now realize that my use of those terms serves to reinforce the myth of black monoculturalism.

There are many different black ethnic groups in this country. It is stunningly ignorant to confuse racial groups and ethnic groups - yet many black people who come to this think tank have done so! I have politely made statements to them that their fifth grade teacher should have, such as "Puerto Ricans are not a racial group."

One blogger mentioned in a discussion that the Puerto Rican celebrity, Lala Vazquez, says that she isn't black. So? I don't know what Lala's DNA consists of and therefore, I don't know her racial ancestry. Just because I encounter someone with brown skin doesn't mean that I should make an assumption that our racial group origin is the same. Lala's ethnic group identification is Puerto Rican but she may have other ethnic groups in her blood line as well. If she says that her racial group identification is not black, why is that an affront?! Her fiance, Carmelo Anthony, defines himself by his racial group and ethnic group ancestry (black and Puerto Rican.)

I often encounter culturally-ignorant blacks who become belligerent about anyone with brown skin who does not claim African ancestry. I want to ask them, "what does their self-definition have to do with you?" I could care less if Mariah Carey wants to be Cablacenzuelan. (She's never said that.) How does her self-definition alter my self-definition? How does it alter my existence? It doesn't.

I have even encountered blacks in this think tank who ignorantly insist that all blacks do not have ethnic group ancestry. The fact that all blacks do not know their ethnic group origins does not mean that they don't have ethnic group ancestry. All black people have ethnic group ancestry.

There are some people who appear to have dark brown or light brown skin who will say "I'm not black!" This declaration usually causes a lot of consternation with blacks who have no idea that there are brown-skinned people in this world who do not have African ancestry.

I remember a Greek student in college who continued to receive questions from black students about being mulatto. She was deeply offended by the suggestion that she was anything other than what she knew she was. I hardly blame her for being offended. Having your ancestry dismissed or discounted by the culturally-ignorant (who are unrepentant about their cultural ignorance) is deeply insulting.

I encounter many blacks who believe that all black ethnic groups in this country are merged into one "culture". This falsehood is absolutely ludicrous. Black ethnic groups in this country are not merged into one. They will never be. There will never be one culture that all black people in this country must accept as "theirs".

The term "African culture" is incorrect. Africans do not share one culture. There are many different cultures that are openly acknowledged by Africans who share the same nationality. Sadly, there are far too many blacks who haven't reached this level of awareness of black diversity in this country.

Why is it important to banish the falsehood of black monoculturalism?

When we began to adopt a more accurate view of "the black experience" in this country, we will stop trying to push for black conformity. We will stop trying to denigrate anything that falls outside of our personal history as being on the fringe of "the black experience". I visit several black empowerment forums and notice that there are blacks who embrace this delusion that anything that reflects their own black experience is viewed as the nucleus of blackness. Anything that is outside of their own experience is not.

Whenever we stop projecting our individual black experience on to all black people, we will instantly find that we are functioning much differently within the collective. We will function differently because we will have an entirely different perception of the black collective. Many were agitated by our candid discussion about why "We Are Not Equals!"


We can't develop empowerment strategies for the collective that are rooted in ignorant generalizations about how all black people in this country must be viewed or defined. This is why the myth of black monoculturalism presents a significant stumbling block in our path of collective advancement.

When we normalize cultural ignorance in black constructs (and outside of black constructs), then we will find that multiculturalism (mastery of other cultures) will not be viewed as an imperative for black women. As Michelle Obama is learning, it is impossible for black women to become influential globally unless we understand other cultures. The awakening must begin with a full understanding of the different cultural norms and ethnic origins that exist within our own racial group.

THE INTERSECTIONALITY OF STRATEGIC MARRIAGE AND POWER

In many group discussions at this think tank, we focus on identifying approaches that black women can make to assist them in their path toward self-actualization. Marriage can facilitate a path of mobility and elevation for some women and it can become a path of stagnation for others.

When I think about the scores of black women who are wiling to be impregnated by guys who don't marry them first, I am overwhelmed with a sense of sadness. I feel a great deal of sorrow for them because they usually pretend that it's okay that the man whose baby they are carrying won't make a legal commitment. "I'd rather live with one mistake instead of two," they say. Is that as far as we have come?

This think tank has a consistent message of collective elevation. We can determine our own rewards. We can define our own paths.

Is there a reason why more black women do not understand the importance of strategic marriage?

Why are so many unmarried black women seething by the time they reach their 40s and 50s? They waited for a black husband to choose them and now they are angry? Don't they realize that black men have the lowest rates of marriage of any male group in this country?

Many black women will tell me that, "Black women aren't marrying at the same rates as white women because all of the high caliber black men are chasing mediocre white women with low self-esteem!" While the thought is amusing to me, that accusation is far from reality. The majority of black men are not marrying outside of the race. White women haven't stolen black men.

There are many successful black men in church who want to have black children with quality black women and who claim that they are unable to find many marriage prospects who are disciplined about maintaining their weight, who do not have fatherless children, who don't have daddy issues, and who don't have control issues. Ouch! I am often at a lost for words when I am faced with those types of comments. I mentioned in my post, "Who Even Cares If Brothas Want White Woman?", that there are many black men who have presented me with valid reasons for their elimination of many women as marital prospects.

In the post, "Desperately Seeking Wifehood", I mentioned the desperation that many black women express about the "scarcity" of husband prospects. Have they examined the narrow-mindedness that is validated by refusing to explore partnering options outside of their race? The world is our oyster! We can widen our partnering options - whenever we want to! Our world is as small as we allow it to be or as large as we make it.

When I wrote a post about "On Being The Excellent Wife", I wanted to encourage a more careful analysis of the mental and emotional preparation for marriage that we must undertake if we want to choose our husbands wisely.

As I visit blogs where black women are wondering where the "good men" are, I continue to challenge them with an important question: Why don't more black women have a strategy in place to achieve their marriage goals?

If we decide that we want to pursue a doctoral degree, we outline a series of steps that we must take in order to make that happen.

If we decide that we want to enter a specific field, we have a plan of preparation in place and a set of goals identified in order to make that happen.

Somehow, scores of black women seem to believe that just hoping that they will find a husband of their caliber will make it a reality.

In October, I wrote a post, "The Preacher Woman's Tips For How To Get A White Man! *LOL" to invite a group discussion about the barriers that black women create in the dating landscape.

It's not uncommon for me to hear a black woman exclaim, "I want to find my soulmate!" Does she understand what lies in her own soul? How can you recognize a soulmate if you don't even understand what your soul consists of? How can you recognize a soulmate if you don't know how your soul should evolve?

I have lost count of the number of times that I have heard black women tell me, "I want to marry my best friend!" If you speak with them about their view of themselves, you will quickly notice that they haven't learned how to love themselves. They give lip service to the concept of self love. They have fostered a poor relationship with themselves. They don't nurture themselves emotionally. Their mental conversation with themselves is usually combative and overly-critical. How can you expect to find a man who wants to be your best friend - without first becoming a best friend to yourself?

How many sistas believe that a man will find them and fall in love and get on his knee and then ride off into the sunset on a white horse? As much as many of us claim that we don't have unrealistic expectations of marriage, many of us do. I used to have many unrealistic expectations of marriage - until I started counseling married couples who broke all of the rules about keeping some things "in the house"!

We retain so many of the notions of marriage that we internalized in our early childhood. I speak to black women who have kept many storybook fantasies alive. Those storybook fantasties produce husband criteria that satisfies emotional longing and doesn't serve the objective of self-actualization and societal mobility.

I believe that we are clinging to childish fairy tales when we decide that everyone should marry for love.

Black women seem to be the least likely to validate the intersectionality of marriage and socioeconomic mobility. Many women of other races have been taught to pay close attention to the societal standing and future mobility of their prospective husbands.

Many black women have been taught that "only scheming gold diggers care about social mobility and financial security". This perception is deeply flawed. There are many women who are not gold diggers who value the construction of marriage that allows for women to prioritize socioeconomic mobility.

In our society, men acquire power in many different ways. The attainment of power is attached to professional achievement, socioeconomic mobility, class tier affiliation, access to power channels, leverage of influence, family pedigree, perception of dominance, strategic positioning, and white skin privilege. Just think about the Kennedy clan - being Irish Catholic wasn't what made their family dynasty powerful.

There are plenty of black women who are content to "marry down". We don't even use the term "marrying down". Many black women believe that having a man who is in love with them and is committed to the relationship is the primary criteria for deciding whether to marry. These sistas have men who love them deeply - but they don't marry men who are their intellectual equals. They don't marry men who can actively participate in their intellectual growth. They don't marry men from their own class tier. They will marry men who have children out of wedlock when they are coming to the marriage without children. They will marry men who don't share their ambition. They will marry men who don't share their understanding of self-actualization. They are content to marry black men whose lives reflect mediocrity.

Just ask five black wives if their husbands have acquired the same level of education that they have. Ask them if their husbands are as accomplished as they are professionally. I predict that four of the five will say "no".

Professional black women who decide to marry outside of their race are notorious for marrying working class white men. "Not marrying a man with my academic credentials doesn't mean that I am marrying down!" they will insist. Somehow, they don't understand that the socioeconomic status of men in our society is closely tied to their academic attainment.

There are scores of black men who spent their early adulthood as manual laborers. These men find that they don't have many job opportunities as their hair turns gray and their bodies begin to show its age. Most of them are semi-literate and are not computer savvy. Drive through any ghetto where condos and high rises are under construction. Visually estimate the age of the majority of the workers on the construction site. It's likely that you won't see any black men in their 40s with hard hats.

My friend, who has three degrees and is married to a blue-collar brotha, says, "my husband makes more than I do!" Her husband is a laborer with some trade school coursework. When he's fired from that job - and he will be one day - she will find that his growth potential in the job market is not the same as hers.

Another friend of mine has a husband who has been "starting his own business" for the last ten years. He discovered that a military background isn't a golden ticket into a corporate management position without a college degree.

I know one black woman with an MBA who worked two full-time jobs so that she and her husband could build their dream home. Her husband was working one job while she was working two. Was he the slightest bit embarrassed? No. He came from a fatherless home. In his mind, the black woman who was in charge of the family was supposed to work her behind off to keep things afloat. He probably felt that his full-time job was evidence that he was willing to be a responsible brotha who didn't live off of his woman.

There are many black women who think that strategic marriage is a concept that gold diggers validate in order to justify why they didn't marry for love. While I don't think that black women should marry for superficial reasons, I do not believe we should marry solely for love.

Just ask any divorced couple if loving each other was enough to keep their marriage together.

I was in a conversation with a ministry leader who told me that I was the only black woman he had ever met who said that it is not necessary to marry for love. I told him that there is a difference between marrying for love and marrying for the fulfillment of divine purpose. I pointed out that many Christian women marry the man who they feel in love with - even if that was not the man that God chose for them. I mentioned that the reason why there are so many divorces in the church is because most Christians are ill-prepared for marriage, having come from homes where their parents had a dysfunctional relationship or from homes where there wasn't an example of marriage at all.

He agreed that most of the couples that he has counseled who wound up divorced had unrealistic expectations of each other and had idyllic notions about marriage. He said that many women would challenge my views about marriage and purpose and would say that it is God's purpose for them to have a man who loved them. I told him, "I am not saying that my husband should not love me. I am saying that it is not important for me to marry for love."

I told him that it was time for black women to re-examine the construction of marriage and to challenge what they have been taught about how they should wait for a man to choose them, and wait for a man to decide they are worthy of being wives. Why is it that so many black women are willing to be alone for the rest of their lives while waiting to be chosen?

Why do so many black women feel ashamed about entering the dating landscape in non-black constructs? One woman told me, "if I start looking for prospects outside of the race, it will seem as though I have given up on the caliber of black men." I asked her, "who says that we have to prove our loyalty to black men?" She was quiet. Then she said, "I think that going outside of the race is a statement that black wasn't good enough for you!" I shook my head in bewilderment and said, "Skin color is not a factor for me in determining character. The screening criteria that I use has nothing to do with skin color."

I told her about my conversation with the ministry leader about the necessity of re-examining our construction of marriage and that he remarked, "black women aren't being told to think that way!" I challenged him with, "why do we have to be told what we can think?"

I insisted that if more black women decided to place their own interests at the forefront of their partnering choices and discarded the expectations of the black community that they had internalized, that we would see drastic changes in the patterns of how black women marry and who they choose to marry. He said, "that's some radical thinking for an anti-feminist!" I rolled my eyes and said, "just because I am not a feminist doesn't make me anti."

CRITIQUING THE PURSUIT OF SUCCESS

In the most recent issue of Newsweek Magazine, there is an excerpt from Jim Collins' new book, How The Mighty Fall. Last year, I shared the self-diagnostic tool, "Where Are You On Your Journey From Good To Great?" from his bestseller, From Good To Great.

This self-diagnostic tool was offered as part of our group discussion about how to make changes to our path of self-actualization.

In his new book, How The Mighty Fall, Collins outlines five stages that determine the decline of corporate giants:
Hubris born of success
Undisciplined pursuit of more
Denial of risk and peril
Grasping for salvation
Capitulation to irrelevance or death

In reviewing his summary of the five stages, I noticed that there are highly valuable applications in stage two that we can consider as we think about the construction of our path of self-actualization.

Collins says that there are dangers to pursuing "more scale, more growth, more acclaim, more of whatever those in power see as success." He mentions that "complacency and resistance to change remain dangers to any successful [endeavor]." We have addressed this in our discussion about "Compartmentalization and The Scourge of Mediocrity".

Whenever I hear black people discussing the pursuit of success, there are always declarations about "grabbing all you can!" and "you can have it all!"

I have watched many successful black women "crash and burn" while attempting to maintain unrealistic schedules. They are attempting to race with those who have established entirely different support systems than they have constructed in their own lives. In the audio tape I presented with bell hooks in my discussion of
"The Psyche of the Black Woman - Part One", she observed that many black women are addicted to over functioning. Many black women believe that succeeding requires maintaining a persistent pattern of over functioning. If you ask them about this, they will say that they don't believe that at all. Just watch their lives and their patterns will reveal what they truly believe.

Most people who read this blog know that I used to serve as the papal scribe of a Bishop who was also a television preacher. While working for this celebrity, I noticed that he always maintained a team of handlers. An entourage is not unusual among black men in powerful positions in the ministry construct.

I never saw prominent black women in ministry with an entourage. Black women in ministry pride themselves on being humble and self-sacrificing. Apparently, demonstrating humility involves functioning without effective support systems in place. I always find that many of my ministry colleagues are allowing themselves to become overwhelmed, over-worked and over-scheduled.

One sista told me that she doesn't even know which city she's in because she's in and out of so many hotels in one month. She failed to see that the pace she has chosen for her life is extremely dysfunctional. She thinks that all successful people maintain schedules like hers. She's right. All successful people do not maintain a pace like hers without establishing a proper support system.

There are many black clergywomen who have national ministries and who don't even hire one full-time staff person! The Bishop I worked for had a team of handlers and he always had ministers in seminary who lived on his estate. These ministers-in-training have a luxurious place to live in (for free) and the Bishop pays the bills and buys all of their groceries. In exchange for these perks, they help him out. There are several students who received checks from him to cover their outstanding tuition balances.

Additionally, the Bishop has a driver, a booking manager, a communications correspondent (who carries all of the Bishop's many cell phones, schedules return calls, keeps track of voicemail messages, and checks a list of email accounts every
half hour). He also has a papal scribe (who completes Bible research, writes doctrinal positions, produces books, prepares material, and reviews material submitted by pastors), support scribes, a road manager (who handles logistics and conference plans), and adjutants (who travel with him just to pray for him). While many people will think that it costs a lot of money to have a support system of this scope, there are many handlers who work for free since they are being mentored. There are other handlers who have contracts and receive other forms of revenue from other types of work.

I encounter many women in ministry who can't believe how these celebrity preachers can publish so many books, preach in 20 different cities each month and rake in millions of dollars a year. The reason why these global ministry chieftains can continue to add more speaking dates, and more television shows is because they are constantly looking for and recruiting new ministers who are seeking broad experience and hands-on mentoring.

There is one powerful clergywoman whom I have admired for years. I would not hesitate to say "yes" if she offered me an unpaid position to work in her ministry. My female colleagues seem to think that no one will work for free so they don't bother to ask anyone! How interesting that the men in ministry don't make those assumptions.

When I speak to my female colleagues in ministry about their hectic schedules and hear them complain about how exhausted they are, I always ask them how many rookies they have recruited in the last year to share in the work. They usually give me a blank look. These women do their own Bible research for their sermons. They handle their own scheduling. They maintain their own websites. They manage their own email accounts. Meanwhile, the global ministry chieftains are constantly bringing in new people to help them with everything and anything.

Part of the reason why my female colleagues don't bring in others to share in the work is because they don't want the help if it means relinquishing control. That's the bottom line. They can't trust anyone with their "business" so they don't want anyone checking their email. They don't want anyone answering their business cell phone. They don't want anyone hearing their voicemail messages. The Bishop I worked for had to trust me and others who were close to his work. I was privy to many situations that the tabloids would love to know about. He has to trust the handlers in his inner circle.

Oprah mentioned that she has been burned many times by extending trust to others, but that she realized a long time ago that she has to trust others in order to continue to grow her international enterprise and take advantage of new business opportunities.

When we expand our support systems, we accept risks that someone may betray us. This is why we have to have effective vetting processes in place.

As we pursue success, it's important to take a step back and carefully examine how we are pursuing it.

Collins writes that "discontinuous leaps into areas in which you have no burning passion is undisciplined. Taking action inconsistent with your core values is undisciplined. Investing heavily in new arenas where you can not attain distinctive capability...is undisciplined. Launching headlong into activities that do not fit with your economic or resource engine is undisciplined. Addition to scale is undisciplined...to compromise your values or lose sight of your core purpose in pursuit of growth...is undisciplined."

We don't read articles about the scores of black women who reach the pinnacle and fall from the top of the heap because their lives were out of balance. Often, they bow out of the arena with vague statements about "shifting gears" and "changing my personal mission statement".

I notice that there are many powerful people who surround themselves with those who will protect them from having their failures exposed. I watched the celebrity I worked for make many mistakes and saw how others quickly stepped in to help correct them.

Many black women I meet haven't cultivated strategic alliances that include those who will offer protection to them. I mentioned in my post, "Black Allies: The Counterfeit, The Cosmetic and The Convoluted" that it is valuable to have secret allies. In 2007, a famous televangelist went through a major scandal involving the collapse of her marriage. Not one powerful spiritual leader gave an interview to the national media in support of her. Her bookings quickly evaporated. She had to rebuild.

I remember one powerful ministry leader mentioning that a media outlet had agreed not to cover the story of a major scandal involving an up-and-coming male preacher. The news on the front page is often negotiated. There are some stories that the media purposely ignores. This is one reason why we need to forge many different types of networks while we plot our course into different spheres of power.

As the nation watched this once-popular celebrity preacher endure a painful divorce, I thought to myself: How do we prepare for failure? Should we prepare for failure?

While I don't believe that I should plan to fail, I do believe that I should understand how to change course when I encounter set backs on my path to self-actualization.

Collins writes that "when we find ourselves in trouble, when we find ourselves on the cusp of failing, our survival instinct and our fear can prompt lurching - reactive behavior [that] is contrary to survival." He warns that grasping for silver bullets will always result in a downward spiral.

Gregory Brown of Motorola mentions that resilience and reinvention are important when forging a path of success. In the post, "How About A Life Makeover?", I mentioned that it is possible for us to reconstruct our entire lives from scratch - at any point in time. There are many ways that we can embrace reinvention.

In November, we had a discussion on "Imagining The Impossible" and I asked each reader to create a list and post it in the comment section. Gina of What About Our Daughters is having a discussion this week on "What's Your Impossible Dream?" and I believe that it is critical for black women to continue to redefine the scope of our potential.

It's not enough to succeed. Succeeding may be enough for those who are from backgrounds where everyone was struggling and scraping by.

For those of us who are from backgrounds where over-achievement is a norm, succeeding is not enough. Those of us whose families have a legacy of professional and academic accomplishment realize early in life that it has never crossed anyone's mind that we could not or would not be successful. Being successful is one thing; dominating the arena in our area of expertise is another.

I used to joke to my friends that if I won the Nobel Peace Prize my father's reaction would be, "well, it's about time, Lisa!"

Being excellent isn't enough. Those who are in our sphere have an expectation that we would desire and demonstrate excellence.

The pursuit of success must include an ongoing evaluation of how that path is being forged.

There is always time to make some needed corrections on the way to the finish line.

Our self-evaluation of our pursuit of success should include the following questions:

1) How have I expanded my support system as the scope of my career path has expanded?

2) How often do I evaluate my support system and implement necessary changes?

3) What type of evaluation should I develop to measure the growth of my professional relationships?

4) What type of evaluation should I develop to measure the growth of my friendships?

5) How am I improving upon the quality time that I have given to myself for emotional nourishment?

6) Am I aging prematurely due to the pace of my life?

7) Am I thrilled with the career path that I am pursuing or am I just pleased with the material rewards of being highly competent?

BLACK GIRL FROM THE 'HOOD AT HARVARD = DRUG DEALER?

Over the last few days, there has been national media coverage about the May 18th murder at Harvard that involved a drug deal in a dormitory.

The 20-year-old Jabrai Jordan Copney has been arrested in connection with the killing of Justin D. Cosby. Jabrai's mother has said, "My son wasn't into drugs, my son wasn't into being a thug." The D.A. stated in a press conference that Jabrai Copney has been charged with murder, accessory after the fact to murder and possession of a firearm.

Chenequa Campbell was ordered off campus by university officials under suspicion that she was somehow connected to the murder. The police has not released details about why Chenequa has not been arrested if the university officials believe that she was involved.

Chenequa has reportedly launched an allegation of racism against the officials at Harvard: "Harvard is doing this to me because I'm black, I'm poor and I'm from Brooklyn...I'm from New York and I walk in a certain way and I keep my clothes in a certain way. It's something that labels me as different from everyone else."

Chenequa was friends with the girlfriend of the suspected killer. Yesterday, I read an article at News One For Black America that other students told university officials that Chenequa Campbell was a drug dealer on campus.

Chenequa has mentioned to the press that she was taking a final exam at the time of the murder, was not at the murder scene and lived in the annex and not the dormitory as reported by the press. Her alibi has not been called into question. However, the dean issued a written statement that Chenequa is suspected of giving her dormitory access card to a person who entered the dormitory. Chenequa states that she didn't give her access card to anyone. The computer records should confirm that. So why was she ordered off campus?

The dormitory access cards have specific identifiers that can be traced to the owner of the card. It is not a crime to loan a dormitory access card to a friend. It is probably a violation of university policy. Is this a serious enough infraction to be barred from attending graduation ceremonies?

A black Harvard student has said to the media, "People are going to be like, ‘These girls brought the hood with them.”

Did Chenequa Campbell bring the 'hood to Harvard?

We have many discussions at this think tank about the need for black women to understand the rules of the constructs that they enter into. I have encountered scores of black women who are from all-black constructs who assume that the norms of black constructs will be accepted wherever they go.

I have noticed this mentality surfacing at various offices where I have worked. Black women who are part of the support staff will show up wearing form-fitting hoochie clothing and will become upset when they are told their clothing is inappropriate.

It's not uncommon to hear about scenarios where a black employee will be playing her favorite rap CD at her cubicle and will scream racism when she is told by her supervisor to turn it off. It's racism when you are told that you can't play an obscenity-laced CD at the office?

Many years ago, I had a black secretary at a nonprofit that I worked for. One day, my secretary brought her grand-daughter to work with her. I walked by her cube and happened to notice that her grand-daughter was sleeping on the floor on top of a blanket! I sent my secretary home for the day. Before she left, I spoke with her about how embarrassing it is for me to have to mention to her that the office is not an emergency day care center. (Her son was supposed to babysit his child and was unable to do so at the last minute. His mother took on the responsibility.) I mentioned to her that she should not have assumed it would be acceptable to baby-sit while on the job. Since I'm black, and a woman, she assumed that I would understand her child care emergency. She was actually surprised that I sent her home!

I've been in staff meetings with black people who assumed that they were granted the freedom of speaking slang and broken English whenever white people weren't present. (They call it "keepin' it real".) It's grossly unprofessional. If we are serious about achieving dominance, we can't afford to validate those ridiculous assumptions. Every setting that we enter into has norms that we can not avoid.

It benefits us tremendously to learn how to quickly foster trust and credibility in new settings. When I mention this in blog discussions, someone usually says "I'm black! I don't have to imitate white people in order to become successful!"

I have seen many situations where black people from all-black constructs assumed that the norms they validated would apply everywhere they went.

Chenequa's remarks reveal that she was aware that she was not assimilating at Harvard. Her refusal to assimilate may have been the reason why she was mentioned as a drug dealer by other students. Perhaps those students were drug buyers who requested immunity. This story presents many unanswered questions.

Chenequa mentions that she is black and poor. Clearly, she understood the opportunity that she had to enter an entirely "new" world by graduating from Harvard. Why did she choose to befriend a young lady who was dating a drug dealer? Why was she friends with anyone connected to drug dealers? This situation reminded me of Regina Kelly's story (depicted in the film, "American Violet").

Regina Kelly had four children by three different men and two of the men were incarcerated on drug offenses. She was shocked when police implicated her as a drug dealer? Really? She was framed by a fake "informant" who was a relative of her baby-daddy's girlfriend. She was exonerated only because the ACLU became involved.

Do we think that our associations won't become liabilities?

When we speak about divestment and someone mentions the need to create an ark to take all of their relatives with them. Why do we have to rescue others? Why do we have to become responsible for constructing a vehicle of refuge for those who can make adult decisions on their own? Why can't we allow others to make a divestment decision for themselves or be content to leave them behind?

Do some of our people feel a need to take "the 'hood" with them everywhere they go?

How many of us have been in a restaurant where a group of blacks were making a scene with inappropriate or unruly behavior or boisterous voices? When other patrons looked over at them, they rolled their eyes (as if they were receiving glares because they were black)! When confronted about their behavior, they copped an attitude, got loud and claimed to be victims of discrimination. Many of us have witnessed situations like this in places that are predominately white.

Preparing for divestment will require radical shifts in the definitions that have been internalized about which social behaviors are normative.

The negative press that Michelle Obama has received has been warranted at times and ridiculously racist at other times. Michelle has became more poised and more polished over the course of the campaign. I remember her first interview with Barbara Walters and she kept cutting off her husband while he was speaking to add a point. He continued to talk over her while answering Barbara's questions until she became quiet.

Blacks who are in white settings are under scrutiny. They are being observed to determine if they understand the norms of the environment. Whites who are in black settings are under scrutiny. They are being observed to determine if they understand the norms of the environment. There is nothing more insulting than encountering a white person who gets into a black setting and starts speaking slang in order to prove that they can "relate" to blacks. Using incorrect verb conjugations and speaking as though they are semi-literate shows that they can relate to blacks? I have been in many situations with white people who were in black settings with me and I pulled them off to the side to ask, "why has your diction changed since we got out of the car?"

When I think about Chenequa and the consequences of her failure to understand how social credibility was being fostered at Harvard, or to anticipate that students would turn on her, I am left to wonder if she will continue to see herself as a victim of racism - or if she will realize that she is facing the consequences of refusing to confront her own ignorance.

BLACK WOMEN NAVIGATING THE WHITE PRIVILEGE LANDSCAPE

(This is a 48 minute video that ends at 48:56. It is a documentary on a predominately white campus that features different people talking about their definition of whiteness while contextualizing white privilege.)

Midori Takagi of Fairhaven College (3:42 to 4:48) mentions that "white privilege is the ability to live a life with relatively no need of consciousness of one's color or frequently of class benefits that come with that color and to be able to construct your life with as much ease as possible where race is not an issue or a factor and you are not inhibited or prevented from expressing your views, having your authority questioned, your ability to get a job, your ability to get housing, and to participate in cultural events without your culture being questioned or de-legitimized."

Dr. Bill Lyne (an African-American Literature professor who is white) says (6:01 to 7:51) that "...we have to understand that being white is not a race, it's not an ethnicity, it is about access to a whole set of power relationships and privilege and opportunities in Western society."

He continues with, "... You have to recognize that whiteness gets invented after blackness after Western history... as a way to demonize certain populations within the world and make them available for labor exploitation and social exclusion and to underwrite ...slavery. You need a way to separate, to keep working class people at odds and people excluded, at odds with other. And the idea of whiteness becomes a very handy way to convince white working class and poor people that their problem is black people and not actually the owning class in society. I think that when you talk about whiteness or talk about white identity it always has to be in the context of the economic history the way that those categories have been formed."

He mentions that privilege is often invisible to the privileged. I notice that my two dads live in very different worlds. My white dad doesn't think about his whiteness because he is always in all-white constructs. He doesn't think about what it means to be a white person among non-whites until he is in an environment where other people relate to him as a "foreign" species.

I remember when my dad showed up at my office years ago. He greeted the receptionist and then said, "I am here to pick up my daughter, Lisa. She's expecting me." The receptionist asked him which address he was looking for. He told her that he had been to his daughter's office before and that he wasn't lost. The receptionist said, "Lisa? Are you sure your daughter still works here?" My dad said, "I just called her on my cell phone when my car pulled up outside." She seemed completely confused. It never crossed her mind to even call me on the phone to tell me that a man was in the lobby asking to speak to Lisa. (The receptionist happened to be a black woman.) I was the first black woman she had known who had a relationship with a white man that reflected a father-daughter dynamic.

In the all-black constructs that she had been part of, it was unthinkable for a black woman to have a platonic relationship of trust and love with a white man. My dad usually takes those situations in stride. I think it surprises him when he encounters blacks who don't think that white people are actually compassionate and loving human beings. It is a shocker for most black women I know that a white man could be loving, attentive and devoted to his b...bbb...black daughter.

It isn't a shock to my dad to encounter whites who have those negative expectations about blacks. White privilege provides a lens that never needs to be removed.

The lens that black women have needs to be removed in order to navigate outside of black constructs. I don't encourage black women to remain in the "box" that was defined for them in all-black constructs or to validate the modality of narrowing self-identity.

In this video, a white college woman named Aisha (11:15) mentions that the connotations of her name were evident when she was seeking employment. She said that she was assumed to be black and that expectations of blacks were attached to her before anyone had met her.

Dr. Teri McMurtry-Chubb (Law, Legal History, Gender Studies professor) mentions (16:04) that a white person noticed that she had changed her hair and walked up to her and put her hands on her hair. Dr. McMurtry-Chubb mentions that the incident reflected this woman's unconscious exercise of white privilege. She said that by putting her hands in her hair, that white woman had relegated her to an object.

This type of incident has happened repeatedly with black women and white people.
A month or so ago, a white male blogger was frequenting (and is still frequenting) the empowerment forums and the interracial forums hosted by black women. He was entering cyber discussions where black women were speaking about issues that are deeply personal and deeply sensitive in the black community. Without any understanding of his intrusion and presumption, he would toss in his opinions as though he had an opinion of value to all others. He made an assumption that his perspectives were worthwhile to the forum and that his views would be valuable to those who have no identification with his culture or race!

This entitlement of intrusion is a mentality of white privilege. It reflects an assumption that one's value is supposed to be recognized and validated by all non-blacks.

The landscape of white privilege has to be more closely examined by black women who intend to attain dominance outside of all-black constructs. I notice a lot of resentment from black women that is being expressed online about the characteristics of our societal infrastructure that normalize privilege and inequality. If we are unable to move past the deeply-rooted resentments that utopia will not exist for us, then we will remain in a state of mental subjugation.

What will it involve for you to master the social dynamics that exist outside of black constructs?

What will be required of you to access white-privilege constructed power alliances that exist outside of black constructs?

Is the solution to disqualify ourselves by stating that utopia doesn't exist?

Those black women who suggest in their blog discussions that they feel that people who have been given preferential status must deny or minimize their advantageous position are promoting a mentality that is completely detached from reality. I continue to mention in this forum that America will never be an egalitarian society.

We need to adopt strategies that will allow us to shrewdly navigate the landmines of white privilege and to also navigate the quagmire of class privilege and ethnic preferential privilege.

This strategy-building process begins with a few questions:

1 - How is power being defined outside of black constructs that is different from the way it is defined within black constructs?

2 - How are power relationships being negotiated outside of black constructs?

3 - What are the different types of capital that fortify power bases and how are those types of capital being appraised outside of black constructs?

4 - What are the specific requirements that black women must be cognizant of in order to gain access different power constructs among different ethnic groups?

5 - What type of leverage can be gained by black women without mastery of cultural norms and power mechanisms that are reinforced by those who are in non-black constructs?